2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
If you are anxious about intimacy or it is ridiculous for you, there will be distance for you. Until something changes. Relationships cannot be created under duress. If you suddenly begin to miss intimacy, tell this to the therapist and he will somehow react. And remember that silence and detachment are also reactions and relationships.
Or your therapist is distanced and looks at you from his pedestal or from his trench - look for words to tell him about this, because without his participation nothing will change, you will not force your feelings to change. Classical specialists try to distance themselves with the aim of neutrality. But, think, how can a silent person be neutral? The unresponsive is very bright and offensive, it causes a violent and strong reaction. The patient is silent for this very reason. To give your feelings a go. Give them a go if you feel safe. No? - tell the therapist about it.
If you want a good relationship, then try to build one with your therapist. In the office. And ask your therapist to help you with this. Everything is like in life. All the participants work on the relationship.
The therapist, in whatever approach he works, will become a part of your inner life. You will think about him, remember him, imagine your dialogues with him or your monologues.
Your visits to his office for 45, 60 or 90 minutes is already an interaction and already a relationship. At the very least, this is a business relationship. They can feel useful to you, or empty, warm or cool, light or painful, dead-end or dynamic - and many other epithets.
If you are actively protesting against a relationship, abandoning it, then you are already in a relationship, rejecting, attacking, provoking. How did you get into them? Did you understand?
If you just mechanically come, that is also a relationship. Like these ones. Like that summer in a joke.
If you adjust, try to please the therapist, or scare or confuse him, you are building this kind of relationship. Do you already understand why you are doing this?
You may feel differently with different therapists. This is fine. Look for someone with whom you will be understandable and easy at the very beginning. It's hard not with someone who is bad, but with someone who probably doesn't suit you. It's like in a relationship - not every person fits; and it is better to go through life's trials with someone with whom it is easy from the first day, although this does not mean that there will always be only paradise.
None of the psychotherapists has the right to persuade you to communicate (even to business, even to formal) outside of the agreed sessions. This is the strictest limitation that the therapist is responsible for fulfilling. If the therapist breaks the setting and initiates communication outside the sessions, he uses his patient, parasitizes on trust, depriving the patient of help.
The goal of the relationship with the therapist is a new experience that builds on the old - rejects or enriches it. This experience should be safe and understandable for the patient.
What if the patient is inventing everything about himself?
People are so amusingly arranged that even if someone really wants to start living from a new leaf, to make a different impression and generally show themselves from a completely different side - this is the essence and truth about the personality with which the patient has difficulties. Effort becomes the main pattern and focus of the relationship. Without interfering with therapy.
The psychoanalyst does not care whether it is true or fiction. No one has yet succeeded in inventing something so that his personality is not there. In a sense, hearing the patient's fantasies is even more important than knowing the facts. Our fantasies contain more personal material than real events. Personal and subjective interpretation is far more important than even the most detailed description of an event. Although even if this is just a detailed description, then this already tells a lot about the narrator. What does it say? Feelings, emotions and associations. The psychoanalyst works with this in himself. Any good relationship actually begins with this.
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