Depression After Childbirth - Two Cases From Practice

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Two cases from practice.

At the same time, I was approached by two recently given birth women with similar requests - an inexplicable melancholy. depressive state, apathy, I do not want to do anything and, as a result, a desperate "I'm a bad mother, I can't cope."

In fact, there were two mirrored cases.

Case 1.

A very young mother (19 years old), let's call her Dasha, a month and a half ago, being legally married, gave birth to a girl. My husband is 23 years old. He is quite a serious young man, but we communicated very little with him. As usual, right after the birth, the grandmother (Dasha's mother) moved to the apartment of the young family to help with the child. She met me on the doorstep when I arrived for the first time. She looked very friendly, polite, complained that her daughter was having a hard time after giving birth. Dasha was breastfeeding the baby at this time. As soon as the baby stopped sucking, the grandmother immediately took her away. I was immediately alerted by the melancholy glance of the young mother, with which she saw off her daughter. I asked her about it. It turned out that Dasha would very much like to spend more time with the baby, but she does not know how to do anything, and, as her mother says, so far she has been unable to do anything. The grandmother fiddles with the baby all day, giving Dasha a rest, and walks with her herself and comes running at night if the baby is crying. In short, I get the impression that the child is not Dashin's, but her mother's. Catching myself on this sensation, I ask Dasha's mother to bring the child, under the pretext that I need to watch him too. The grandmother returns the baby reluctantly, everything strives to return and worries about what Dasha will do if the girl cries. Dasha is also at first perplexed. But after 15 minutes, her face changes beyond recognition. I show her how to better interact with her daughter according to her age, I draw attention to some important points in their communication - and now they both are smiling, and Dasha's eyes are shining.

The reason for her depression is obvious: despite her youth, Dasha really wants to be a mother - a real, competent, caring one. But her own mother does not allow washing, that Dasha is capable of it. Under the pretext of caring for her daughter, she minimized her contact with the baby, practically giving her only for feeding. “You have a rest, daughter, you need to recover, you sleep, I’m going on with my granddaughter myself! Give it to me - I will do better.”“Dasha has a good relationship with her mother and she 100% believes her. Once my mother said “nothing works for you,” then it doesn’t work. How can I be offended by my mother when she shows so much care and helps? And in Dasha's soul, an unconscious melancholy is growing like an avalanche, caused by the lack of contact with her newborn daughter, a feeling of her own inferiority. Worthlessness. She does not want to sleep already, and does not want to rest - she needs a daughter! Only she cannot realize this in the endless cocoon of her mother's care.

The second meeting is dedicated to basic operational skills - bathing, changing clothes, playing. The grandmother is offended sitting in the kitchen. I had to talk to her separately later. And at the third consultation, Dasha proudly tells how she (!) Has been coping with the baby's whims for the third night, how she rocks and lulls her, how she carries her on her arms and sings lullabies all night. And proudly - because it turns out to calm her down, because the baby snuggles up to her young mother and calms down. And, despite physical fatigue, Dasha says that she feels very happy.

Case 2.

Marina is already an experienced mother. The oldest child is 4 years old, the youngest is 3 months old. Marina herself is 27 years old. Immediately after the birth of their second child, the husband asked his mother to stay with them in order to help Marina with the children.

When I arrived, Marina herself opened the door for me with a child in her arms. Grandma stood behind her. We went into the room - my grandmother also sat next to me. When I asked her to leave us alone, she resentfully remarked that she had to be aware of what was happening in order to be useful to her daughter-in-law. When she left, she did not take any of the children. The four of us stayed in the room - me, Marina and her two sons. Marina looked very tired and anxious. Several times I apologized for the mess, which I did not even notice, but then gradually relaxed. It turned out that the mother-in-law is constantly next to her, but she hardly takes care of children, only comments on what and when to do. She constantly declares that she raised her children herself, and every woman should do it herself. She clearly monitors the order in the house and complains that Marina does not have time to do anything. She seems to say this with sympathy, but Marina constantly hears a reproach in her words, is torn to pieces in order to do everything and at the same time be a good mother. During these three months Marina was never alone and never (!!!) allowed herself to lie down to rest during the day, even after several sleepless nights spent with the child. She simply did not want to offend her mother-in-law, who loved the company and constantly told something. The husband was sure that he provided maximum help to his wife in the person of his mother. Marina was exhausted, torn between the baby, the eldest child, husband and mother-in-law.

I suggested that Marina spend the second consultation in the park on the playground, not taking her mother-in-law with her (before that they always walked together). After an hour of our walk, Marina suddenly said: “How good! It was as if I finally breathed in fresh air! She was very surprised when I noted that not every mother is so good at handling two children. She really did really well. We found out that her stress and depression were not caused by childbirth or increased physical activity, but by the appearance in their house of an assistant in the form of a mother-in-law, under whose gun Marina was around the clock. The thought that she is a completely competent mother and wife seriously influenced Marina's condition. Another question is why the words and remarks of the mother-in-law became more important for her than her own feelings and knowledge? The answers to these questions lie in her childhood, in her relationship with her own mother. We will talk about this with her at subsequent meetings. And the mother-in-law finally returned home, which made Marina's life much easier.

Conclusion:

Newly given mothers often expect help from their loved ones, not even suspecting what this might turn out to be for them. More often than we think, inadequate care turns the first months after childbirth into a nightmare. The ability to find a fulcrum not in those around you, but in yourself, to feel your maternal competence and to establish strong contact with the child - this is the key to successful and joyful motherhood. Help help - strife.