2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Alcoholism is not a disease of just one person, it affects the foundations of the whole family and has an extremely negative effect on the psyche of children. People hide this problem and develop a special model of behavior to adapt to the conditions of constant stress.
Children are acutely aware of behavioral differences, but cannot find the correct guidelines, because they do not know what is the norm.
In most cases, such families have contrasting rules: either complete freedom or strict restrictions. However, there are no specific guidelines by which the child could be guided. And children learn three basic principles: "Be quiet", "Do not trust", "Do not feel."
Children get used to hiding the family's lifestyle from an early age. Therefore, they behave aloof and avoid companionship. Accustomed to the prohibition of revelation, they do not trust anyone - neither their peers nor teachers.
And the need to hide their "shame" forces them to constantly dodge, resorting to various tricks, and deception often becomes the norm. There is a lot of shame and guilt inside.
Children are deprived of attention in the family, and they strive to win it by all means, resorting to unusual behavior, which often does not fit into generally accepted norms.
Constant stress provokes protective reactions, which eventually become habitual, and the child chooses a certain model of behavior.
As a result, he can play various roles in the family:
a responsible leader - striving for the best possible performance in studies, dominance in the team, perfect order in things and putting the interests of others above their own;
troubled rebel - challenging the family with inappropriate behavior;
lost dreamer - hiding from reality in the world of his own fantasies and preferring lonely solitude;
spoiled pet - who considers permissiveness to be the norm.
There are dangers in each of these roles, as all options have extremes. Roles should be age and personality appropriate. If they are a defensive response to problems associated with alcoholism, then they can subsequently be expressed in the psychological characteristics of the child, requiring psychocorrection.
Children raised in a family of alcoholics do not feel mutual support and love.
Constantly being in a stressful situation, they receive psychological trauma:
1. Children cannot experience sincere emotions, forced to constantly suppress or hide them.
2. Feelings of guilt are a constant companion of their lives, because they often hear messages with conflicting meanings and project onto themselves, first of all, negativity.
3. Children never feel protected, because the development of events is unpredictable for them, and fear constantly haunts them.
4. Confusion in relationships and disunity of family members make them need to self-isolate, which is not typical for their age.
5. The constant impossibility of satisfying one's needs with the current lifestyle evokes irritation and even despair. Children have a lot of anxiety.
6. Often, children from such families develop heightened impressionability and emotionality, as a result, they keep unpleasant events in their memory for a very long time. Fear, resentment and insults exhaust their consciousness, leading to various mental abnormalities.
If you are a child who grew up in a family with a drinking parent, then psychotherapy is for you
Your life is in your hands!
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