2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
“I don't even know if you can help Me. I have such a problem that no one can help Me, no matter who I turn to”. It is with such a "greeting" that meetings with clients of our Center sometimes begin.
"Are you now bragging, asking for help, or complaining about the powerlessness of psychologists?" - I ask most often with a friendly smile.
“Well, it’s clear that I’m asking for help,” the “applying” responds with obvious “tension” in her voice.
"Good. What kind of help are you asking for now? " - I ask even friendlier.
And we can say that from that moment our joint work began. Ours is joint. And it is not always easy and pleasant for the client himself, contrary to his expectations and ideas.
And here one more question arises: "Are you really ready to part with this problem forever?" And, I assure you, the client's response does not always sound convincing, even to himself.
Of course, some problems have a conscious or, more often than not, a secondary benefit unconscious for the owner-owner himself. For someone, SUCH a problem once again emphasizes the uniqueness and uniqueness of his personality, for someone, the presence of SUCH problem fills the emotional emptiness of life, for someone THIS problem is an excellent reason to talk about it with taxi drivers - hairdressers - colleagues. And the position of "victim" is not so painful in the company of sorry friends. Is a person who has SUCH a problem ready to just take it and give it up? What will then be left?
And whether the psychologist, together with the client, knows WHAT EXACTLY will take the place of this problem after solving it, and the success of its solution depends. This means that in addition to eliminating the problem, a certain time is also needed for the client to get used to the position of "Person Without Problem".
Practicing psychologists know that many of the difficulties faced by clients can be resolved in one or two sessions. But the sessions go one after the other, and there are no results. Why? Is it because sometimes consultation turns into a "tug-of-war" for the right to own SUCH a problem ?! Is SUCH a client ready to take and "lose" to a psychologist who imagines herself able to solve in just a couple of hours her SUCH DIFFICULT difficulty, with which she has already turned to all her acquaintances to no avail?
There is one wonderful principle of counseling, which must be applied deliberately and carefully, and His name is "So what?" And, really, what if this problem is more than a dozen years old? So what if no one has been able to solve it before? So what if someone once said that THIS is not "treated"? If a person realizes the cause of the problem, it is one-third solved. When he begins to realize the path of the solution, then it has already been solved by two-thirds. And what makes up another third? That's right, the Path itself.
After all, by and large, the problem is not that someone has a problem, but that he does not know how to solve it … or does not want to know / solve. Do you agree?! And if a person who is objectively suffering from a problem does not want to let it go, then what does this mean ?!
We will assume that all problems are roughly divided into two types: "solvable" and "unsolvable". Among the "unsolvable" is only the own death of the bearer of the problem. All others are solvable. Only they, in turn, are divided into two types: "those that a person is ready to solve" and "those for which he is not yet ready to solve." I hope you agree with that as well.
"And, really, what if this problem is more than a dozen years old? So what if no one has been able to solve it before? What if someone once said that THIS is not" cured "?"
Of course, there are situations that take a long time to work with. Of course, it is also hardly worth “shifting” all the blame on the client for “holding” his problem without letting go. But it is worth taking a close look at what THIS problem means for the person who applied for help. Perhaps “this is his war”, it is possible that “he wants to win it himself,” with your reasonable help. And in this case, “to solve his problem for him” means not only not to help, but also to harm, depriving him of the opportunity to learn how to cope with SUCH problems on his own.
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