Are You A Psychologist For Sure ?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Once, in one topic, I can't remember who, asked:

"What criteria can be used to define a specialist (psychologist)?"

"How do I understand that I have a professional in front of me?"

I thought about these words for a long time afterwards, undertook to write something. Throwing. I wrote again. She threw it again.

I do not know how to correctly answer this question. Honestly. Do not know.

He's very, very, very individual.

One will choose by appearance, the other by regalia, the third by reviews (focusing on someone else's experience) … etc.

Everyone has their own, exceptional, ways.

And they are all correct, for a specific person taken and for a specific situation.

After all, everyone has their own path, their mistakes, rakes, bumps and achievements …

Once I came across the words of a colleague: "The choice of a psychotherapist is very similar to the choice of a partner." And this is, I'm not afraid of this word - the truth. Yes, yes, mirrored, so to speak reflected …

Someone goes through for a long time and is finally determined.

Someone chooses quickly, then gets disappointed and continues the search, or, on the contrary, stops altogether.

Someone seems to be determined, but all the time "walks to the left" in a quiet way.

Someone grows out of one relationship and enters into a new one.

Someone in the constant stops developing and the process becomes rotten.

Someone openly "jumps from one bed to another" all their lives. And every time in admiration of the new.

And someone has never really "fallen in love". Everything only "meets".

And for some, it is not the "partner" that is decisive, but the opinion of other people.

My observations are as follows …

In my note, I want to go from the opposite - to write something that can alert you (described by me personally and partly taken from a discussion in a group of colleagues) when choosing, working, contacting a psychologist. And what will remain is possible and there are those qualities by which it is possible to diagnose a healthy, professional specialist.

I'll use the metaphorical parallel with the partnership theme (for simplicity of explanation):

1. You are promised quick (2-3 hours, 2-3 meetings) results for ANY requests ("In a relationship, it looks like this: we will quickly get to know each other, after 2 hours kiss, after 3 hours sleep and get married. I promise you that you will be happy (s)")

Actually: trust is not artificially created. Whatever psychotherapeutic means the specialist has. Whatever Guru he is. It is not in his power to control the feelings of other people.

The more a person practices, the more comes the understanding that each of us is unique in building contact with others. Everyone has their own, individual, way of connecting.

For one, it is normal to enter into a relationship quickly and superficially, swiftly and impulsively, with a thirst for consumption, capturing as much air as possible with your mouth. For another - gradually, meaningfully, carefully.

The results will be both there and there - personal. Sometimes the same as the method of obtaining.

The deeper the contact between the therapist and the client, the deeper and more profound the change in the latter.

2. You are told that Skype works wonders and you can get EVERYTHING online ( In a relationship, it looks like this: you are assured that love at a distance for years (decades, centuries, millennia) is possible. And even you are guaranteed (in words, really).

Actually: Skype-consultations are a convenient, modern, useful thing, and … not Almighty (like the therapy itself).

I already wrote in one of my threads about restrictions.

I will copy the answer here:

- it is impossible to use bodily contact (techniques of bodily therapy, art therapy are not available or are very limited and do not bring results);

- lack of full vision of a person (posture). And the body speaks volumes. In other words, non-verbal contact suffers.

- working with the herbs of affection (early abandonment, parting, lack of caring figures in a person's life) via Skype is difficult to do (there is no energy of live communication and distancing itself does not contribute to building attachment);

- individual inability of the participant to interact remotely (some personality types);

- almost all security issues (from technical to personal);

and many others…

In my opinion, Skype is more of a compulsory measure than a common practice, and is good for providing emergency psychological assistance, maintaining the already built up-to-date trust, analyzing situations that the client is well aware of and is himself motivated to work.

3. The specialist possesses wonderful psychotechnics. By unique methods. Exclusive knowledge that can only be obtained from a limited number of people. (“In a relationship it would look like this: only I and only I can make you happy. …

Actually: This consultation or therapy is primarily based on relationships. In the vicinity. And the therapist heals not with psychotechnics, but with a part of himself. We cripple a part of others (parents or some strangers who have caused us suffering and pain - it doesn't matter) and we are treated for a part of other already healthy people.

Therefore, all "unique", "exclusive", "modern", "fantastic" techniques are advertising.

Cheap PR.

It all boils down to one thing: to be accepted, to be loved, to be valuable both to yourself and to others.

I liked the words of a colleague, for me they say so for sure:

"… If someone tries to present himself as someone who knows something that is unknown to others, who has exclusive channels of access to knowledge, special methods, special moral purity or unique gifts - this is a trade in our own person and nothing more. Some of us go further others in space exploration by their own work and intention, but this path is available to everyone who wants to go …"

Nina Rubshtein"

A lot works in self-development: books and films and communication with others. Yes, these channels have their limitations. Yes, introspection is not able to bring you to the full zone of awareness and completely change thinking and behavior, but it creates a very important starting point of the road. After all, you have to start somewhere.

Therefore, do not fall for the exclusive in choosing a therapist and the promise of meteoric rise in the psyche.

He's gone.

4. You are consulted only in a cafe, on a bench, in a bathhouse, in a corridor and other public places ( In a relationship it would look like this: Let's make love in public. Fi, what are you (or what are you) not liberated (th)! Can't you? Fi …)

It seems to me that this point needs no explanation.

In front of you is either a very young and inexperienced specialist or not worked out himself and also needs a psychologist.

5. A specialist immediately diagnoses you, interprets, displays the results (in the form of statements) … and generally knows what is wrong with you, which he boldly and confidently declares (In a relationship, it would be like this: "Oh! I've seen so many men (or women) that I can see right through this (this) too! It's clear how he (she) will behave! Predictable!")

Actually: no specialist reads minds, does not immediately diagnose (unless, of course, he sees a person in front of him in acute psychosis with hallucinations and delusions) and does not own a scan or a magic wand so that he knows everything about others.

It will take some time to clarify your request, weed out fabulous expectations from work, establish contact and gather information (as a psychologist about you, SO YOU ABOUT A PSYCHOLOGIST).

At best, the psychologist will have a feeling that the situation is somehow familiar to him, or he himself has experience of going through a similar one. But this will only raise more questions and doubts within.

6. The specialist uses a lot of incomprehensible words, terms, phrases. (In a relationship it would look like this: I like you, let's date! … and in response to him: from the point of view of banal erudition, not every individual … )

Actually: feedback is important. The way they answer your question, how they react to your questions is an indicator of success in therapy (at least short-term, at least long-term).

Feedback makes us feel like we are on the same wavelength with someone.

There is safety in contact with another, and not fear and shame to seem stupid, not erudite, insignificant in comparison with a specialist.

Each specialist has their own style of consulting. And if it is not understood by others, therapy is doomed to failure.

This style is not taught, it is born within the therapist to the extent of its depth, awareness of the techniques and the simplicity of their explanation.

And the therapist shares this depth, SIMPLE, ACCESSIBILITY with clients.

Eric Berne, such a well-known psychotherapist, once said (I am citing not literally, but only the essence): the method of counseling is good, which can be told to a 5-year-old child.

7. A specialist is an adherent of one theory and harshly criticizes another (s) (in a relationship it would look like this: "There are no better qualities than those that I possess. I am good (s) myself. I like myself and accordingly you (others) will like me)".

Actually: all methods are good, each in its own way.

Some need a provocative approach, like the ability to promote, others need a client-centered method.

There are specialists who use the method in which they were trained and 80-90% of their diagnostics is based on this knowledge, but this does not mean that they do not own other techniques. A person is multifaceted, what works well with one, is not applicable with the other. Using only one theory pushes the client into a narrow framework.

Well, criticism of other specialists indicates a violation of ethics.