How Can You Make Sure That You Are A Good Person !?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

On my first trip to New Orleans, I visited the Master of Tarot cards, Avery. He favorably distinguished himself from his fellow mummers like magicians in gothic clothes decorated with beads, their fingers were decorated with rings, amulets, and crystal balls proudly lay on the table. Avery was dressed in street clothes and carelessly leafing through a book, offering his services at a bargain price - divination to me and my friend for the price of one. While the tarot deck was shuffling, Avery asked me what I want to know about my life? Among the many topics that I would like to ask about, I suddenly said - "May I know I am a good person?"

He looked at me, stunned. “This is not what people usually ask,” he said. That is why I asked him. This is the type of question that I would classify as one of the kind that a loved one is usually never asked.

Similar questions:

Am I attractive?

Why do people hate me?

Am I annoying?

Loved ones may perceive such questions as an attempt to run into compliments or an invitation to frankness, which can hack fragile self-esteem. It is quite another matter to ask these questions to a stranger. He has no history in common with you, no reason to be harsh or flatter. The stranger will not care about the feelings and will never see you again. Avery, he had never met me before and told me that the question itself suggests that I am actually a good person. I objected that I felt the exact opposite. I asked this question because at some level I doubted it.

Immediately, I thought about Sigmund Freudewho, about a century ago, invented the sense of doubt. He suggested that humans are inherently selfish and focus mainly on their own individual survival. We behave "badly" because that is our true nature.

He's writing:

"Psychological - or more strictly psychoanalytic - research shows that the deepest essence of human nature, that which exists in each of us, is aimed at satisfying certain needs for self-preservation, aggressiveness, the need for love, and impulses for achieving pleasure and avoiding pain ".

For Z. Freud, the innate behavioral driver - the desire for self-preservation is at odds with the social idea that we should all live in harmony (or be good). He writes: "The natural instinct of aggressiveness in a person is hostility to everyone, opposes the program set by civilization."

Is Freud right? Am I a bad person who is forced to follow the norm of "being good"? Or is my friend Avery from New Orleans right?

Let's see what modern science tells us?

Yale University researchers used puppets to determine if children were inherently altruistic. In an experiment, children watched a short play in which dolls tried to climb a hill. Then the children were offered a choice - to help the dolls overcome the obstacle or interfere. As it turned out, children chose to be helpers rather than obstacles.

Tom Stafford, who wrote about the study for the BBC, suggests that this behavior suggests that people are predisposed to be good, at least early in their lives:

"The implication of this experiment is that young children, with their 'pre-cultural' brains, were not bound by expectations about how people should act, and they preferred to provide help."

Dr. Bobby Wegner, a clinical psychologist and fellow at Harvard University, agrees. She says: "There are no bad babies." At the core of our personality lies the true essence - kindness, compassion, caring, curiosity and calmness. "The environment is what always gets in the way of the true essence of a person, she says. For example, "Someone who has been abused can create a psychological mechanism that proactively hurts others in order to protect themselves." In her work, she does not use the definition of "good" or "bad", but instead creates a safe atmosphere, listening with interest and sympathy, thus stimulating self-disclosure.

Dacher Keltner, a professor at the University of California, Berkeley, cites another study in which people experienced pain when they saw the pain of others. “It’s like we’re connected to the same network in order to understand other people's experiences,” he says. Rather than label people as "good" or "bad," Keltner suggests identifying personal motives first. He admits that 60% of the time, we are driven by the principle of "personal pleasure" or "survival", but 40%, "we do something for other people; we sacrifice and take risks if we can help. By helping others, we we become personally inspired and involved in work.

Acting “good” and being “good” are not the same thing, says Mary Beth Somich, a psychotherapist in North Carolina. The media encourages us to act “well” for the approval of others, rather than acting selflessly for true inner reward. That is why, Somich says that the only person who can decide if you are a good person is yourself. (Sorry, Avery!)

If you really want, you can use some indicators that will satisfy your curiosity about yourself. This is your Code of Honor. Meredith Strauss, a New Jersey psychotherapist suggests using the following questions:

Am I compassionate towards other people?

Merciful, am I generous?

Can I show love to my loved ones when they need it? Or am I just doing this to be "politically" correct?

What would my friends or family members say about me if they were asked this question?

What is your contribution to this world?

There is another way to look at morality outside of judgments - "bad" or "good" suggests Dr. Paul de Pompo, a psychologist in Southern California. He says that: "Each of us is capable of doing a" bad "act, and if we put it in the basis of our self-image, we will get reflected as in a" distorting mirror ", and at the same time you can do a lot of" good ".

The best option would be to independently formulate "a good person, this is …" in 3-7 words and evaluate yourself on this scale. If you see yourself in the middle of the notional scale, then "you are a relatively good, as long as imperfect person - which ultimately makes you human."

So what do you think? You are a good man?

Translation: Andrey Zlotnikov