2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Where to start the change?
First, weigh what exactly are you parting with? What happens if you decide to change something and vice versa, if you leave everything as it is? It is important to analyze not so much external circumstances as your feelings and experiences. What will these changes give you emotionally? Satisfaction, self-realization, pride in yourself, or maybe calmness, a feeling of freedom and fullness of life - then boldly go forward. If these are additional obligations burdening your life, restrictions, a sense of duty to a third party - think about whether you are running away from problems.
Conflicting feelings often arise. And this is also natural. The main thing is that there is a desire and the expected result brings with it a positive, and not additional problems.
Further we draw up a change plan. Specify a specific time frame: depending on the magnitude of the change. If the change is global, break it down into several small tasks that you will cope with gradually.
The changes must be consistent. If you want to change everything in one day and at once, then most likely in a month you will fall down from severe stress or abandon your venture, considering it unfeasible.
Find support. It can be a person who is an authority for you in this area or a friend with whom you will go to the gym together. The main thing is that this person "pulls" you out in case of stagnation or helps to cope with doubts.
Visualize, bring yourself closer to what you want as much as possible. How will you change? What kind of people will be around you? What things will you have? What rhythm of life will you live in? But remember, dreams are not meant to replace reality.
Know how to enjoy the moment. After each successful step on the path to change, stop, look back and be in the process of making the change. Get used to new things, focus on new sensations. And only then move forward.
Don't be discouraged by failure. Success loves effort. Success should be of value to you. The ability to overcome difficulties on the way to what you want is what doubles the pleasure of achievement.
If you are a risky person, you can immediately go for broke: for example, he will immediately pay for his studies for six months or a year in advance. As soon as you want to "give back", you will understand that the money has already been paid. The same will happen if you, for example, tell everyone you know about the upcoming changes. There will be no turning back, because everyone will expect active action from you.
And remember, wherever we are, we always take ourselves with us. If you decide to change your life, start with yourself. A new look at the world, at the situation, at people, and, finally, at yourself - these are the real predecessors of changes, but not just another Monday in the calendar or the beginning of the year.
Don't make drastic changes if:
- Want to get rid of something negative by compensating others. For example, you just broke up with a man and are immediately looking for another relationship because of feelings of loneliness and anxiety. First you need to deal with emotions, and then start with new solutions.
- This is your habitual behavior in stressful or crisis situations. The so-called "escape from problems."
- This is not your desire, but a compulsion from the outside. If someone from your environment really wants to see you as a blonde, or a friend persuades you to go with her to study in another city, but you really don't want to, this will not bring you any joy.
What can protect us from positive changes in life?
- Orientation to the opinion of others: "what will people say?" Recognize the right to build your life without regard to the many opinions of people.
- A habit or being in a comfort zone: "why change something - it's unnecessary stress", "it can be worse", "I will tolerate, then everything will work out by itself." Stability and predictability calms, but does not provide the main thing - a sense of success, the ability to cope with difficulties, pride in their achievements and the ability to cope with difficulties. Do something that will increase your self-esteem.
- Fear of the future: “how can I change something if I still have such an unstable situation?” that you will be reckoned with. Let go of the illusion that waiting out and adjusting is the best strategy for preventing problems.
- Fear of making a mistake: "I will only do this if I am confident in the correctness of my actions", "I am overcome by doubts", "It is easier for me when someone decides for me or at least advises what to do." We all learn from our mistakes and this is natural. Perhaps, as a child, you were severely scolded or condemned for small errors. But now you are a grown woman and you can determine what is best for you.
- Feelings of guilt: “I cannot do something for myself”, “this is selfish”, “but what about my loved ones?”. You are not responsible for someone else's life and are not at all obliged by your actions to please someone, even if they are your loved ones. Sadness, envy, feeling dissatisfied are other people's choices.
- Low self-esteem: "I am not worthy of this", "this will not happen in my life", "in our family it was like this, and I am no exception." You can list your own shortcomings and defeats for a long time. But as soon as we focus on what we want to improve instead of what gets in our way, the obstacles disappear.
- The habit of putting off everything and waiting for a "convenient moment": "I will start everything on Monday", "now is not the time", "I need some kind of sign." The main reason for change is always within us. This is our desire. And the external is only a reflection of the internal. From the entire space of signs and clues, each of you catches what resonates with his inner readiness or unwillingness to change.
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Secondary benefit. There is often pleasure alongside suffering. After all, being unhappy is another reason to feel sorry for yourself and blame the world for injustice. Realize what inaction actually protects you from: fear, guilt, insecurity?
According to scientists, in order for a new habit to take hold, it must take from 20 to 40 days. That is, it is quite possible to make many changes in 1 month. “But not everything can be changed in a month,” you object. In any case, it is possible to change the style of thinking and tune in to the desired result during this time.
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