The Sailor's Wife: Specifics And Difficulties

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

There is such an expression as the wife of a general. And there is a sailor's wife. And they have a lot of similarities. Because career growth presupposes its own path. And this path has its own characteristics and difficulties.

A sailor's wife is a kind of profession. Despite the financial stability and apparent well-being, the wives of seafarers face many problems associated with the husband's profession. Similar difficulties can arise not only in the families of seafarers, but in this category of families they can be traced very clearly.

The life of a sailor's wife is a constant expectation. And in this expectation there is a lot of anxiety associated with the risky nature of the spouse's work. This is a special female experience, which consists of a constant cycle of partings, expectations, meetings, adaptations and partings again. During the voyage, the wife is responsible for the whole range of life tasks: the usual female and those that traditionally belong to the male: planning and organization. life and budget, raising children, establishing and maintaining social contacts, working out and making decisions, all the so-called household "little things". Therefore, willy-nilly, you get used to relying only on yourself and often begin to think about your female identity.

Upon her husband's return from the flight, in addition to relieving herself of responsibility for part of the work performed and the desire for help in a number of household issues, she wants affection, care, attention, emotional closeness from her husband. However, during the voyage, the range of the seafarer's emotional response is significantly narrowed, since the long stay of the seafarer on the voyage is accompanied by three factors: isolation, loss and withdrawal. The spectrum of his feelings becomes somewhat flattened. In addition, being in isolation for several months contributes to the fact that the character of the sailor can change towards introversion. He becomes more closed, does not feel the need for communication. Or, on the contrary, he begins to fill this need with special zeal - with friends and companies. And in this case, the wife's need for spiritual communication with her husband remains unsatisfied, and feelings are suppressed.

The job of a seafarer is complex and full of dangers. Under the influence of constant stress, changing time zones, being in a confined space in a team that you cannot choose, the character of a man changes. During his absence, life on land does not stop, flows on as usual, is filled with a variety of events (both pleasant and not so), which leave their indelible imprint on all family members and require a lot of strength, understanding, acceptance, patience and love.

In the upbringing of children in such families, there is often no single line.

Systematic suppression of feelings is a fairly common cause of emotional imbalance. To understand the depth of the harm done to oneself with the constant suppression of emotions, it is worth drawing a parallel with fireworks: if you correctly launch the fireworks into the sky, release it up, then no one will get hurt, but if you light the fireworks and cover it with something, do not release it outside, then the force sparks and fire will blow everything around. It is the same with suppressed feelings: with systematic suppression, emotions begin to destroy a person from the inside, leading to the emergence of many psychological problems and even a variety of psychosomatic symptoms. And the husband-sailor, being in a state of adaptation, gives out as much affection and care as he can, and often this is not the quantity and quality that his wife expects from him. In addition, due to the risky nature of the activity and the presence of constant stress, the sailor accumulates negative emotional experiences, and at home, on land, it manifests itself with aggression and irritability or is filled with alcohol.

During the absence of her husband, the wife becomes a leader, makes decisions, gives orders according to the principle of "one-man management". And if a seaman begins to climb the career ladder, occupies a leadership position and gets subordinate to several people, it is quite difficult for him to reorganize in everyday life. At work, he gives orders and expects unquestioning obedience. There life flows according to its own laws: you need to be categorical, tough, critical. In family life, on the other hand, you need to apply more agility and flexibility. For several months (subject to long voyages), the sailor loses the skill of behaving in other social roles that fall on him at the moment of returning from the flight, because at home he is no longer a sailor, not a chief mechanic or a captain, at home he is, first of all, a husband, father, son, brother and so on. On this basis, the clarification "who is the boss in the house?" in a couple, conflicts and quarrels can arise.

The need for rest among the wives of sailors is also often unmet. After the flight, the husband does not want fuss and flights, he wants to be at home. And my wife, on the contrary, really wants to change the environment, to give her head an opportunity to rest and be nourished with pleasant emotions ….

Sexual deprivation experienced by both spouses also adversely affects both the physical and mental health of each of them, and the relationship itself.

As a result, many emerging problems, conflict situations are hushed up, remain unresolved, irritability and dissatisfaction with each other accumulate, emotional and mental closeness, warmth in relationships gradually disappear.

This gradually worsens the quality of the relationship in a couple and can lead to the emergence of psychosomatic diseases.

In such cases, the help of a psychologist or psychotherapist is invaluable: it helps to find the root of the problem and "bring out" suppressed feelings, as well as improve the quality of communication with the husband. In addition, with its help, one can see the husband not only from the point of view of his needs, but also deeper understand his desires and experiences, so to speak, "see the Other." As a result of working with a psychologist, relations between spouses become trusting and emotionally close, which has a beneficial effect on the general atmosphere in the family and on the psychological and physical health of all its members.