2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Very often in therapy, we are faced with the fact that the client, approaching the solution of his problem, himself is frightened by this and stops. There, the decision is usually followed by a very difficult thing - to understand who I am and what I really want. Therefore, many, feeling that everything is heading for this, suddenly fall into regression and return to the already familiar native problem with which they have lived for many years. It's easy to live with a problem - you always have a goal! Your goal is to get rid of the problem.
But living without a problem is difficult. After all, then the goal must be found, chosen, loved and set in front of oneself. And go to her! Those who nevertheless decide to let go of their problem often fall into apathy and a state: "What next?" In a world obsessed with the slogan “get out of your comfort zone”, when asked “what do you want?”, Many people do not hesitate to answer “I don’t know”. In such a situation, even the answer “I want peace and nothing else” looks like no, but still a goal!
The most terrible question for a person is - what do I really want? If you remove attitudes, habits, imposed norms, social expectations, financial difficulties, painful experiences and fear, mistrust, paranoia, insecurity and all the rest of the husk, under which the personality with its true desires is hidden - what will be there? And isn't the biggest difficulty that people are afraid to look so deeply, not to see the answer and be disappointed. Or, on the contrary, to see the answer? And not know what to do now with this new knowledge. Because what if all my life I dreamed of drawing pictures, and not counting mathematical statistics? Or to heal people instead of lecturing on electrodynamics? What should I do with this knowledge?
Therefore, it is so difficult to give up hypochondria and psychosomatics - after all, then you will have to learn to receive the attention and care of loved ones in more environmentally friendly ways. Or even live your own life, not theirs.
Therefore, it is so difficult to let go of past relationships - after all, then you have to take responsibility for your life and your experiences on yourself, and not live with the thought “it is he / she who is to blame for everything”.
Therefore, it is so difficult to give up neuroses, paranoia, hyper-care, resentment, OCD - after all, there, outside the problem, lies an unknown world of one's own desires.
Children always know what they want and know how to sincerely rejoice when they receive it!
But adults always know that they have to and fall into neuroses and depression if they cannot fulfill this duty.
I wonder how such children turn out to be such adults?
And how can you learn to look for your desires again and enjoy them?
As a rule, the first and main problem is that a person simply does not ask himself this question. Desire seems to be something simple, natural and spontaneous. It itself should be. And if not, then the person says so: “Somehow everything became wrong. I don't want anything. Nothing pleases."
And he does not even think about making efforts to form these desires, learn to feel, listen to them.
In orphanages, babies do not cry. Full crib room and dead silence. Why? Because this instinct is given to a child to call for help. To inform - I am cold / hot, I am hungry, I am wet, I have something in pain. And if no one comes to help, then the instinct disappears. The ability to call for help atrophies over time as unnecessary.
So is the ability to want - if you haven’t allowed yourself to do this for so long, then it will not appear by itself.
Desires must be sought, loved, cared for and cherished. To develop a new reflex - to satisfy your desires. And not just responsibility for your debt.
As long as you are afraid to seek your desires, any problem will leave a path for itself to return, because it has the secondary benefit of being able to shift responsibility for the lack of happiness onto someone else.
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