HOW A Mother Turns A SON Into A "psychological Husband"

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Every practicing psychologist has had to deal with this strange and sad phenomenon. It looks like the mother is transforming her son into a "psychological husband." Or, as Jung puts it, she transfers her eros to her son.

This complex often occurs when women are raising their son alone, or when she is strongly unhappy with her husband and she transfers all her expectations to her son.

What does overprotection lead to

Such mothers seek excessive custody of their son, bordering on spiritual abuse. She "adores and adores" her son, considers him a genius, "devotes her whole life to him." In fact, he strives for total control, manages his development and career.

She always requires increased attention to herself, and when her son tries to separate and become independent, to create his own family, the mother will do everything to prevent this from happening. She will keep her son in constant tension, suspend his feelings of guilt.

The consequence of the transfer of the role of his man to the son is maternal jealousy and unwillingness to give the son to “another woman”. She will convince him that all women are not good enough for him

A mother suffering from such a complex behaves like a sexual partner, not a mother: all the time she requires increased attention, money, exaggerated care, completely ignoring her maternal role and the interests of her son.

Such a mother constantly attracts the attention of her son to herself in all ways., scandals, but most often uses health: “I feel so bad, I have pressure, I’ll probably die soon. Well, you came and it became easier for me.”This does not take into account the fact that he was rushing through the whole city, leaving his family and work.

"You are such a good boy for me, and you love my mother." - she instills in him since childhood.

He also says: “Nobody will love you as I do. Who needs you besides me …"

Or "This woman only needs money from you, she is not worthy of you …"

Mother will always prove that she is better.and any other woman is a rival to her. She unknowingly makes the life of a son in his family with his wife unbearable, causing him to be torn all the time between his wife and mother, to feel a stifling sense of guilt that he is a bad son and a bad husband.

After all, my mother is "the main person in my life," he thinks. "She gave her whole life to me, and I am ungrateful, I leave her, leave her all alone …"

Gradually, such a man develops a stable belief that his mother's health depends only on him. That if he behaves well, then mom will not get sick and live for a long time.

In such situations, everyone is unhappy: mother, son, son's wife, his children. And the saddest thing is that often such men are generally unable to have a full-fledged relationship with a woman and create their own family.

And even after the death of his mother, the "spirit" of the departed hanging over him continues to dominate his consciousness.

There are many such cases in my practice. It is very difficult for a man to free himself in this situation, "After all, my mother cared about him so much."

His conviction in his own guilt, about the numerous illnesses of his mother, and then her death, is extremely strong

What are the options for development in such situations?

Here are some examples:

1. The man still finds the strength to separate from his mother, but he is attracted to powerful women like her. As soon as he becomes attached, he immediately becomes afraid of the addiction and runs away from the relationship.

2. He "marries" his job and becomes a workaholic, or goes into any other booze - alcohol, gambling addiction …

3. He creates one family after another, but the mother constantly getting into his relationship with his wife, destroys them.

4. A man becomes angry with women and latently takes revenge on them for what his mother did to him. For example, he finds women who are similar to her, then seeks to suppress them, break their will.

5. He completely loses his will. He does not marry, lives with his mother until she dies, and spends the rest of his life alone.

6. Less often, but this also happens, a man becomes a likeness of his mother, builds a similar relationship with his wife or child, forming their complete dependence on themselves and strangling them with his "care and love", striving for total control over them.

Of course, there are more options, but perhaps I will focus on these few examples.

Such men, if they seek help from a psychologist, need tremendous courage, a willingness to endure mental pain, resist accusations and show firmness of their position

True, they often seek help when they themselves are already very sick, suffer from migraines and hypertension, when they have already lost their family, or are very close to this. Their heart breaks. They often say that they have already suffered a heart attack.

I remember one such man, very intelligent and educated, an excellent specialist in his field.

When he, after several sessions realized what was happening, realized that all my life I had been a “husband” for my mother, said: “Well, now it's too late, let him eat me up.. "

Less than a year later, he died of a heart attack …

What can you say, in such situations everyone is unhappy …