The Habit Of Giving Up And Crying In Advance. The Phenomenon Of "Pre-Grief"

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

There is this kind of psychological protection against pain - to give up what is dear and important to you, and to “bury” a person, idea, dream, relationship.

What for? “In order to weep, burn out, so that it will get sick and die. Why wait if everything goes to this ?!"

Preliminary grief is a staged tragedy with no grief. No one has died, has not left, the relationship has not ended, the idea has many chances of survival, and the dream has not yet waved its wings, and the person has already refused - “That's enough! Let's say goodbye!"

The grief may have real reasons - a loved one is seriously ill, a diagnosis has been made, the days are numbered - relatives are beginning to "endure the dead", although the person is still alive.

but it also happens that a bad outcome is just one of the options. but man stops at it

What for?

“I'd rather hurt myself now than someone else will hurt me later.

“I will rip my own song out of my heart. Give up the idea, bury the dream. I will burn it all off and thereby protect my dream from "abuse" and the pain of disappointment."

To kill what is still alive and can live, to give up the struggle, from relationships, to bury and cry - this is such a way to protect yourself from the severity of the experience of a possible loss.

At this moment, the experience of past losses obscures the eyes so much that a person does not distinguish between what is happening now and what was then.

Where is reality, and where is fantasy about it.

The voices of the past begin to sound in my head, playing over and over again what has already happened, it was very painful!…. Therefore, if there is even the slightest threat of loss, give it up! Give up now! It will hurt even more!

“It didn't hurt and I wanted to” - someone will say and instantly devalue everything that was so important and valuable just now. “I don’t need all this. And people live without it, and I will live. And thereby veto the grief - it's stupid to cry over what you don't need.

And someone will say: "It was very necessary and important for me, and I wanted it badly, but He or the Big Bad People took it away from me."

Who took it away? Is it so?

Often no one took away. Perhaps he wasn’t going to. But the person refused in advance from any possible struggle, lagging behind his interests, talking about the fact that "it is important for me, it is very important, and I will try for the hundred and fiftieth time."

None of us are immune to the pain of loss.

Life is generally a very unpredictable thing.

But if you think that giving up what is important to you is a great insurance against possible losses, relax, you are taking more grief as a bonus than it actually can be.

Better to gain experience of victories.

How do you like this idea?

Or are you afraid that you will succeed? That the relationship will grow together, the idea will burn out, the dream will come true, but the project is still being implemented?

After all, to refuse in advance and say goodbye is to protect yourself not so much from the pain of loss, you still have to worry about it, but from the possibility that it will take place after all - the person will survive, the relationship will be, the dream will come true, and the project will work.

What is so frightening for you that it is better to refuse at the entrance?

BUT?

This is what I propose to think about.