Women Who Have Never Been Loved

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

“I have a normal appearance, I am smart, economic, with a sense of humor, I have a good job. Why don't they love me? Others have husbands, fans. And I have absolutely no relationship with men. But you really want to feel loved and love yourself!

I went to various women's trainings, but they say one thing: “They don't love you because you don't love yourself! You must love yourself, feel like a queen, and then men will be at your feet. " I understand that this is probably correct, but I absolutely cannot love myself. I tried different exercises to raise self-esteem: auto-training in front of the mirror, wrote out all my advantages and re-read this list many times a day, tried shopping therapy and pleasure therapy, and much more. No effect! Sometimes it seems to me that something was simply not invested in me."

What a frequent story … And all the same, every time my heart skips with compassion when the question: “How did your relationship with your parents develop in childhood? Did you have enough love, warmth and support from them? " The woman's face turns to stone, and she replies in an indifferent voice: “The relationship was normal. What do my parents have to do with it? " And then, when it is possible to bypass the protection, a dam of pain and tears breaks through, the pain of a person who lives his whole life with parental dislike in himself.

This is a heavy load, and most people build a thick protective sarcophagus around it, because otherwise they will not survive. But radiation has long penetrated into every cell, and its half-life is longer than a human life - the children of this unloved child, most likely, will also experience a deficit of mother's love. And for a little man there is nothing worse than parental coldness and rejection. Such a child begins to reject himself. Where does love for yourself and for others come from if you were not loved? If this love has not been pledged, has not every cell been impregnated with it?

And all of us - those who were loved in childhood, and those who lacked love and warmth, are always drawn to the familiar. Therefore, women with an anxious (neurotic) type of attachment, whose emotional needs in childhood were not satisfied, will over and over again reproduce these circumstances familiar to them in relationships with men.

Most often, such women will fall in love with men who treat them with indifference, and will try to get them to reciprocate. After all, once the goal of a little girl was - in any way to achieve the love of her parents.

Since a woman simply does not know what true love looks and feels like, it seems to her that love can somehow be earned, and she begins to make many fruitless efforts to induce love from a rejecting man. But the more investment, the more painful it is not to achieve any success.

Anxious women, who are themselves emotionally unstable, often confuse instability in relationships with intense passion. The constant swings in emotions are both mesmerizing and draining at the same time. Therefore, these women are often attracted to men with narcissistic traits. Women who were ignored and constantly criticized in childhood practically cease to react to certain types of manipulation and abuse. Because of this, they do not understand that insults, neglect, or petty control from a partner destroy intimacy.

For women deprived of parental love, it is extremely important to be loved and not be abandoned. They easily become hostages of the habitual feeling of guilt and begin to think that they themselves provoked the man to such behavior (my mother is angry at me, scolds; mom and dad are fighting - it's my fault, because I'm not good enough). Any sign of attention from a partner becomes super significant for them and testifies to his deep love, because in childhood they were deprived of the attention of their parents.

Since a woman does not know how a full-fledged healthy relationship is built, most likely she will be ready to put up with much less than what she deserves and what would make her happy.

Unfortunately, it is impossible to take and suddenly fall in love with yourself, simply by changing your ideas about yourself. It is necessary to replenish the inner resources of love, which were not properly laid down in childhood, and from which later it will be possible to draw love for oneself.

In order to live in harmony with oneself, to learn to love, understand and accept oneself, to build a healthy, happy relationship with a partner, it is important to realize and heal childhood traumas caused by a lack of parental love in therapy.

Author: Gorshkova Maria Alekseevna