We've Never Been Here

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

It seems that we suddenly found ourselves in the surreal world of Salvador Dali or Rene Magritte, although what is happening around surpasses any fiction. Our reality has changed instantly, even the passage of time has changed. And now we are forced to learn to live in conditions that have never existed until now - after all, it is not known when all this will end. We were bombarded with a lot of suggestions and advice on how to survive forced self-isolation.

Of course, it's great that there is an opportunity not to lose touch with loved ones, maintain communication in social groups, study and work remotely, and remotely “walk” to theaters, cinemas and museums. And at the first stage, such a compromise even looked attractive, and self-isolation was called a vacation - such a tempting substitution. But we associate vacations with freedom from responsibilities and restrictions, and not vice versa. Therefore, many of us were delighted that at last there would be time for books, learning languages, general cleaning with the indispensable analysis of debris in closets, fitness and a thoughtful diet. The startup turned out to be active, but for some reason, not everyone managed to implement these plans - our days are filled with fatigue and apathy from nowhere.

So what is happening to us? Where have enthusiasm and motivation gone? Why did something that yesterday was filled with deep meaning suddenly froze like in slow motion, became viscous jelly, where your whole essence falls? And it takes incredible effort just to get out of bed and brush your teeth?..

Indeed, our life is now limited by primitive needs, more precisely, by the possibilities that have been left available to us. Hardly any of us have ever been in a confined space for as long as now. Hardly any of us have ever been surrounded by such an unfriendly world. There, outside, there is a danger that is still unknown, therefore, everything that happens actualizes the fear of death - whether we want it or not. Moreover, the fear of death is unconscious, because we do not imagine our own departure and live as if we are immortal. A person thinks about death only when he is directly confronted with it, if someone close and familiar is dying. This is an isolated case, and we soon forget about it, continuing to live as before. But now, when the death toll from the coronavirus is growing, when sad news constantly overtakes us, the breath of death is felt very close. What is happening demonstrates not only the terrifying reality of death, but also our complete powerlessness, defenselessness and worthlessness. In such a situation, the human psyche begins to defend itself against fear. And this consumes a lot of mental and nervous energy. Here it is, the cause of asthenia, apathy and constant fatigue.

Alas, self-isolation is not a vacation. Quarantine is just an attempt to avoid encountering something dangerous and toxic, to preserve life and health. And fear is the most powerful and ancient feeling, which is why its power over a person is so great. And the psyche distracts us from fear in all possible and accessible ways. Therefore, someone seizes fear with delicious food, another runs away from reality into the world of computer games, the third puts their hopes in relaxants. There are enough ways, the psyche is inventive. How productive and useful they are will become known later, with the completion of the self-isolation process. And then our psyche will begin to process what it defended itself from. Everything that we are holding back now will seek a way out and can fall on anyone, anything and in any way. Husband, child, doctors, state. On myself - for not coping, not saving, not protecting, not keeping the relationship and family. The psyche will look for someone to blame. Fear, hatred and anger will seek a way out. What is called post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) will occur.

Is there a way to mitigate PTSD, take care of your mental health, avoid panic attacks, psychosomatic illness and depression? Yes, absolutely. It is necessary to speak out, to let go of background anxiety, fear, anger, shame, guilt and grief. This will help to gain an intrapsychic knowledge of the meaning of what is happening here and now.

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Is it difficult to deal with feelings and experiences? Is reality scary?

Come, let us learn together not to be afraid of fear.

Psychoanalyst Karine Matveeva

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Photo: Richard Burbridg, Harper's Bazaar NY, 2013