I HAVE BEEN DROPPED

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

The scenario of experiences, or why people leave each other

A person experiences tremendous suffering at the moment when he feels that he has been abandoned. As a child, we feel abandoned by our parents. Then we go through parting with the closest ones - friends or loved ones. And sometimes a continuous series of events happens in a person's life when he experiences a state of abandonment and abandonment.

Often such a state is experienced as death, as the inability to live, a complete lack of happiness, anger, resentment against a loved one, a search for his mistakes and reasons, which is why he left. When a lot of time passes, the feeling of abandonment and dying weakens a little, and then the person is simply afraid to enter into a new relationship. At the same time, he wants to be happy, make friends, get married or get married, in general, to be with the one he loves, but the fear of abandonment, the fear of dying leads to a complete impossibility to open up for real and show love for another person. And then for a person it turns into his own loneliness, his own emptiness, his own hell, in which he remains alone with himself, who wants one thing all the time, but does something completely different.

So, as the only desire of such a person is to break out of his loneliness - this is a subconscious desire or the desire of the soul, this is a deep inner intention that a person himself may not even be aware of. Then a person is always looking for another person who can love him, unconditionally. And for this he forms the best qualities in himself in order to be worthy of love, self-perfection with all the deepest passion and willpower, strives to be the best (s). Human life is sacrificed to the idea of self-improvement. Such a person is easy to recognize, he (s) are beautiful, smart, meditate a lot or go to trainings, but other areas of ordinary human life, just not important and unnecessary, they are sacrificed to the passion to be unique, the passion to be the best, the passion to be good.

Despite all this, the "hell" of the state of abandonment, a person continues to experience inside. And of course - this wonderful person with time, with his beauty, intelligence, willpower and something else, traps another person who wants to be with him, to be friends or to love. And then the whole terrible scenario of checking a friend or loved one begins to unfold, how much "crap" he can withstand from me. In the language of a lonely, abandoned person, this is called "getting to know me now." A person who experiences loneliness and abandonment inside always knows how real he is - bad, and that in fact he is still not worthy of love, and therefore he consciously or unconsciously begins to hurt the person whom he managed to attract into his life. He begins to acquaint him with his own "hell", demands a complete unconditional acceptance of himself with all the "crap". Arranges scandals, scenes of jealousy, constantly dissatisfied with others and often dissatisfied with what is happening. Because the other should be more loving, more caring, more considerate, better understanding, more empathetic, etc. The list of requirements is usually limitless. Should, this is the main word that he uses in his claims. In order for the victim to last as long as possible, he sometimes feeds her pieces of himself good, the one to whom the victim was led, sometimes he is loving, very good and caring, until the next attack.

This scenario of relationships is very common in our world, and it is through such suffering that people stop truly loving each other, stop believing in love and stop striving for a happy and harmonious life.

The second person who has fallen in love and is able to give at least some love, i.e.the victim, the same goes through torment as long as there is a feeling of guilt, a feeling of imperfection, any ideas that he really should.

This deadly game is played by two people. And everyone can stop it. Often the victim, the one who is being tortured, turns the game first. Having reached her brink, she is completely drained of blood, with a feeling of complete lack of love, when there is no more strength to speak, show or explain, with a deep feeling of hatred for a once loved one, with the idea that he did not cope and with a sense of guilt the victim leaves his tormentor … Then the victim, likewise, not understanding what is happening, also falls into the illusory idea that love brings suffering and also falls into his loneliness and unwillingness to love and be loved.

How to get out of this scenario?

As you understood, dear reader, the self-cleaning mechanism for the victim and the tormentor is absolutely different, and at the same time the same. Everyone can solve this conflict not outside, but only within themselves. The tormentor needs to part with the idea of abandonment, and the victim with a sense of guilt and a desire to sacrifice himself for good purposes. As you understood, harmonious relationships are possible only between two completely self-sufficient people who do not need each other, but want to share with each other. The tormentor will never have enough love, because within him it will never be. And the victim will never be able to fill the void from the outside and will just give his resource to nowhere, until he refuses to save the whole world. You need to save yourself and understand the harmony of what is happening.

Practical advice for a person who is going through the "tormentor" scenario

The first thing to understand in order to end this agony, no one has ever abandoned you !!!

How to do this is another question and it often requires the help of a specialist psychologist or deep independent work. You really need to cleanse the state of abandonment until you completely give up the idea that someone can abandon anyone. Until this idea, the feeling is completely transformed into a deep understanding of how you make you get dumped. Until you deeply take responsibility for everything that happens to you, until you just inside begin to feel differently and perceive in a different way the separation between people. This is the deepest transformation of oneself, leading to a different scenario in relationships.

After all, you do not panic when you travel in transport with 13 more passengers, and then, at the final stop, everyone disperses in different directions ?! That's right, because everyone has their own route. So a person always has his own route and his primary task is to follow it. But sometimes you can follow along, meeting often, and supporting each other along the way. It's even easier this way, and this is precisely about harmonious relationships. You need to learn to treat any parting easily. You need to learn to let go of a loved one, accept his choice, respect his path. If you are full of such ideas, but all the same, when the beloved inside of you leaves the pain and sadness, this means that there has been an incomplete cleansing of the idea of abandonment. It is very easy to deceive yourself by simply accepting new ideas, but the reality is that this is experienced at the level of feelings: lightness, sensation, lack of attraction. You can easily live without each other, but you chose the other to fill his life with joy, and he also chose you to do the same for you. And every day, every hour you just keep on choosing it, because together there is even more love, harmony, beauty and creativity.

Dear reader, you may ask, and if parents abandoned in childhood, sent to an orphanage - then how? How can a small child be to blame for being left behind? I ask you to pay attention to the word “guilty”, because the abandoned child himself considers himself to be guilty of being abandoned by his parents, that he is bad, that he is not worthy of love, and that is why he was abandoned. These are deep subconscious mechanisms that do not allow you to give up feelings of loneliness, abandonment and abandonment. It is with the feeling of guilt that the abandoned person then keeps the victim. The stronger and more powerful the state of abandonment, the deeper the roots, the better the victim is selected with a deep sense of guilt, for which it will be possible to keep her close. Such a person needs to work with guilt, sometimes shame. These are all difficult emotions that are difficult to admit. But without recognition, they cannot be transformed. It is easier for such a person to agree with his worthlessness, badness, moral ugliness than to start feeling guilty. And therefore, such people consider themselves bad, commit ugly deeds and even almost get high from their perverse badness. But under this cruelty and badness is always hidden a small creature that cannot cope with the feeling of guilt or shame for what it does and has done. It is the experience of guilt and shame, full-fledged remorse for later bad actions, and deep understanding and grateful acceptance of the experience of abandonment that will help this person complete transformation and purification.

Practical advice for the person who is going through the "victim" scenario

The victim is a bright, good person who has illusory ideas about happiness, and who considers it his duty to make everyone happy who comes into his world. The victim is a hyper-responsible person, deeply convinced that he is the creator of his universe and ready to take responsibility for everything that happens in his life. The victim considers it his duty to help the suffering, it is easy to persuade her to help even against her own interests. In general, the victim is always ready to sacrifice himself for the sake of a bright idea, goal or something else, and feel his imperfection and guilt, if suddenly it did not succeed.

That's right, in order to get out of such a destructive relationship completely, you need to stop being a victim.

Even breaking off relations, the victim cannot long without his tormentor, and she returns to him again and again. She is irresistibly drawn to the “loved one”. And she goes through the circles of "hell" I love - it is impossible (because I will suffer). And often in these torments, even after the breakup, feeling guilty, the victim remains for a long time. And he is very afraid of falling into a new addiction, i.e. love. Sacrifice, guilt, the idea of saving the world. The idea of the imperfection of this world and of oneself, the idea of inferiority and the lack of self-sufficiency lead a person into such a relationship.

This is the so-called karmic relationship, where it is not love that unites a couple, but the need to cleanse oneself of false beliefs, ideas and illusions.

Often, in a couple, people change the roles of the tormentor-victim, this happens in turn. Because inside they have both roles and play them in turn. The victim is very fond of saying: “Well, how can he do that? I gave him all (all) of myself without a trace, but he does not give me what I want! So don't give all of yourself, no one needs sacrifices. And in general, do not give anything, but only give what you can and want to give, without expecting anything in return.

Such a couple, realizing this, can truly help each other to cleanse themselves, if there is enough understanding of what is happening. If the couple will have harmonious values, if everyone will look deep into themselves and try to find the reasons for what is happening in themselves, without feeling guilty.

Beliefs to help you cleanse:

1. No one owes anything to anyone.

You can hang it with a large poster at home on the wall, in large letters.

2. Respect for oneself, respect for the interests of another.

3. We are together to make each other pleasant and live in joy. Direct your attention to care, happiness for another person at the moment when he needs, and in the form that the other needs.

To do this, you need to learn to give your love the way you need your loved one, and not the way you used to give, and not the way you need it. But this is a huge separate topic. On this topic, there was an excellent book "5 languages of love".

The topic is vast and limitless, but the main points of the script have already been pointed out.

Dear reader, I hope this article was useful to you. Although it seems to me that she gave birth to many questions in you and a lot that is still not clear. If you have a desire to ask me them, write me an email and ask. Each person has his own individual characteristics of the reversal of this scenario, so there is no way to reveal in more detail all the features of such a scenario.

I will be very glad to your comments under the article, and if you think that your question will be of interest to a wide audience and the answer will be of interest to many, then ask it directly in the comments under the article.

Love and be happy! In true love there is no suffering at all, but there are experiences of community, closeness, joy, openness and trust with another, with the whole world and with oneself within.