Well, Love Yourself, You Rubbish! Psychotherapist Notes

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

You would know how often people contact me with the request "I need to love myself." Along with increasing self-esteem, the most hit topic. Soon I’ll put up a sign on the door "Self-esteem is being retaken here."

Do you think they really want to love themselves as they are? Nothing of the kind. More often than not, they want to somehow modify themselves with a file, so that it is quite permissible to love themselves. Nobody is ready to love oneself for nothing. Why? Why should I love myself? Yes, nothing. Just. Because it's natural to love yourself. We are all born with this.

A newborn baby loves himself unconditionally. He is simply amazed by the very fact that he has arms, legs, a head and all this turns in different directions. And around all the time something flickers, something touches you, smells delicious milk and in general. The child does not separate himself and the world. He is the world, and the world is him. I wanted to eat, I poured milk, I froze - a blanket, I cried - on my hands. The child feels like an omnipotent magician who creates everything with the power of his own thoughts. They say this is one of the sources of our creativity. An innate sense of omnipotence and the ability to materialize one's desires and emotions.

Of course, we inevitably find ourselves thrown out of paradise. We have too much to learn, feel and do for us to begin to limit our world to our mother's arms or a reliable crib fence. We are learning and it's great. The trouble is that often in the process of this study we lose somewhere that inner admiration for ourselves with which we are born.

Well, think about it, legs, they all have. For some, they, in general, grow from their ears and are always the thirty-fifth size, as if they were bandaged in childhood like Chinese women. And you have a ridiculous 39, waist 80, it's better to keep quiet about weight. You still cannot finish the university, you have never been to the Himalayas, children always make a mess … Yes, maybe you have no children and not a single husband on the horizon.

Basically, it doesn't matter at all. My clients (men are somehow less concerned about "loving themselves", they have other problems) may have three doctoral degrees, two children, a reference husband, a waist like a real anorectic woman and 5 Olympic medals. This does not help them in any way to return the connection with the cherished sense of their own beauty on a new, adult level.

And everything around us broke loose. Articles about the fact that without love for yourself you will not see either love, or career, or happiness everywhere. And most importantly, they take and inform that you must, they say, love yourself, then everything will come. You might think this is so easy or explains something. It just turns out you owe something else. Did you have few other debts? As a result, another reason for dissatisfaction with oneself appears, which certainly does not add any love.

I always say that I cannot teach self-love right off the bat. I myself devil knows how many years I have been studying and am still on the way. But at some point, I realized that you can make friends with yourself, and for this you should get to know yourself better and be kind. Just a little bit. The way you treat your best friend, boyfriend, child, or beloved niece.

You can also take care of yourself, the main thing is that it was the kind of care you want, and not the one that is in vogue today. For you to take care is to go to the mountains and buy Timberland shoes for yourself, for another - to dull at the sunset by the sea or just turn off the phone for two hours, for someone it is a massage, delicious food or go to bed early, and for someone the notorious Louboutins or glamorous don't-know-what yet.

You can stop scolding yourself for everything. Call him a fool, stupid, lazy, clumsy, bad daughter, bad wife and mother. You are seriously tracking it. And in no case do you scold when "Again you did not notice and called yourself a fool, you bastard!" You may not believe me, but I know for sure that this is where love begins. You understand that you are just a person who can make mistakes, like all living people. A person for whom it is normal to learn, change, improve, and at the same time it is not at all necessary to scold himself and beat himself.

And you can also praise yourself, remember your victories and achievements, remind yourself that you did it. And not once, and not twice, this is not an accident and did not "give a ride." I have spoken and written about this a thousand times and, probably, I will never tire of repeating to myself and others: "The notorious self-esteem that you are chasing so much is your conscious experience of your own, honestly earned victories. Write down, remember, appreciate what you do. ". You don't even have to brag about them, it is much more important to remember to yourself.

Access to inner admiration for oneself as an amazing invention, cleaner than the iPad Pro, can give us a lot - the release of creative impulses, a sense of balance, sustainable peace, a sense of connection with the meaning of life. People often come for meaning too, but it’s somewhere out there, according to my feelings.

Just please remember - all this is not necessary, but it is POSSIBLE. You can be friends, you can stop scolding yourself, you can care, you can praise … In general, without fanaticism))

Announcement: For those who still cannot let go of a friend or loved one. For those who continue to talk with those with whom they parted long ago. For those who do not dare to fall in love again, because all the best has already happened and repetition is impossible. For those who have too much room for their "ex" thoughts in their existing relationships. March 15 virtual meeting (webinar): "How to stop comparing everyone to the ex and start living."