Child In A Narcissist Family

Child In A Narcissist Family
Child In A Narcissist Family
Anonim

Now it often happens that the husband suddenly leaves the family after the birth of the children. Well, not all of a sudden. There is a period when he decides to leave or not. Whether to go out into the street or find yourself someone to whom you can go. Decides how his life and budget will be distributed. And then he leaves.

Cases and reasons are very different and not always "all men are goats." But, among those leaving there are a considerable number of daffodils who leave for rather banal and similar reasons.

How does a family with a narcissist usually start? Yes, very good. It happens that future spouses have lived together for more than one year. It seems like there was enough time to think about whether children are needed or not. Both parents-to-be were interesting, smart, beautiful … and in all other respects just as infinitely wonderful. And suddenly the pregnant partner in the eyes of her life partner begins to fade like a kakbe. And with the birth of a child, it completely fades. The child grows up, the relationship between the parents can improve … But then the second child, after which the family is already dying. The man explains that his partner has become uninteresting to him and now, at least burst, feelings cannot be returned. Well, you can't be forced to love again, and she can't be forcefully cute. What is there to torment and torment her? These are very correct thoughts. Love is the matter: not all changes in the life of partners, she can survive. If it is already a burden to each other and attempts to fix everything end in failure, then this is the right way out. It hurts, it hurts, but what to do? That is life. But in the event that this gentleman is a narcissist, his heart is not torn to pieces by what happened. "Such is the Selyavi." There are a little unpleasant feelings that they might think badly about him, but in this case he has a theory that explains the inevitability of leaving. For example, - his wife "hinders" his "development". He tells her about spaceships plying the vastness of the universe, and she sends him for diapers and washing powder. I must have waited all day on purpose to knock off my mind. So, you see, he would have invented a time machine tomorrow, if not for diapers. - the wife does not appreciate. Whatever you don't do to her, she still has requests and everyday problems. A week ago I bought diapers, and she has already brazenly used them all. - his wife changes him to the bad side. She constantly draws into everyday life, and he is sucked in by the life of the man in the street. - the wife and children are taking up precious time. He may have re-read Shishkin's Morning in a Pine Forest, but he needs to roll the carriage around the yard

Who's to blame? The wife is to blame. Not passed the test by children and decree. Ladies are really very upset about this and are trying to change themselves, to do something in order to improve the relationship again. And they are even given such a chance to improve, usually so that they can later say that this attempt has failed. In short, the narcissist leaves with a clear justification that the spouse was not worthy of the high trust that he showed her. And no complaints, because, firstly, he lived with her for many years, and secondly, he tolerated her, and, most importantly, she has children from him. From HIM, not from someone there! What else can you ask for? In fact, it was the appearance of children that was destructive for the relationship, not the malevolence of the partner. A child partner immediately loses many of the benefits that are important to the narcissist. First, as a rule, it loses its "exterior" at least a little bit. Those. visually, she may no longer cause burning envy in other men for the narcissist, the owner of this treasure. She can slow down her career and leave a prestigious job. It is important for a narcissist to have a "status woman". Secondly, she becomes at least a little more dependent and the narcissist has to make some additional body movements in order to help her in something or do something for her. Thirdly, it ceases to be comfortable in everyday life. He has to do some little things himself. For example, make coffee for yourself in the morning. Not to mention the fact that sometimes you have to rinse the plate with you after breakfast. Fourth, she cannot give him a 24/7 stream of admiration. This is not because she begins to treat him badly, but because, for example, she cannot spend the whole night in the club, listen to the whole evening about exploits and praise. Again, not out of harm, he just wants to sleep or does not feel well. And if the wife does not tolerate pregnancy well, she lies there, in hospitals, she cannot lift weights at home, etc. This is generally unthinkable for a narcissist. Those. it simply becomes useless to the narcissist. These people are not very empathic, and a partner is just a suitable function for them. Those. if “the function is not functioning,” then why is it needed? With the advent of the baby, things get even worse. The lady not only cannot carry out all the cases in the same volume, she still has an excuse against which you cannot object on the merits. You can't tell, leave the child, take care of me! The narcissist begins to feel that the partner is manipulating with the help of the child. She deliberately creates situations in which he must do something against his will. If there are no diapers, this is not a need for a child, but a cunning tactic of a wife who hasn't done a nichrome all day so that she can hide her tired husband later. She deprives him of free time, rest and silence. And all this in order to deprive him of his freedom. The spouse is regularly accused of this. And most importantly, the child begins to see a competitor. Not only for the time and resources, but also for the place of the main star of the family. Every evening my wife says that, they say, our son took the first step, he himself ate porridge with a spoon, built a house of cubes. The husband is overwhelmed by a wave of anxiety that the child is somehow better than he himself looks. And the stories begin: “Yes, in his years I already read Kant by heart, but he is kind of backward in his 1, 5 years. You're not doing well with him. You sit on the priest exactly all day, you watch TV shows. Launched my son! " All in all, the life of a narcissist in a family with children becomes rather nervous and subject to constant frustration. From which he, in fact, runs away, accusing his wife. Can you somehow keep him? There is one way. Narcissists "live well" in the presence of a stronger narcissist, who constantly carries him face down on the table, constantly exerts emotional pressure and violence. "Good" in the sense of behaving relatively well. If you are ready for such a role, there is a chance that everything will work out. However, most women prefer a partner marriage, rather than the role of trainer with a whip in hand. Author: Natalia Stilson

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