Perfectionism

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

There are a number of phenomena in the psyche that are the basis for the development of pathological conditions and diseases. Among them, perhaps, one of the most honorable places is occupied by perfectionism. He is remembered quite often in connection with a variety of psychological problems, disorders of the neurotic spectrum, as well as quite strongly associated with exacerbations of mental illness. For example, perfectionism is the basis for the development of a number of depressive and anxiety states, personality disorders, eating disorders, and addictions of various types

Perfectionism Is a system of beliefs associated with the fact that an impeccable ideal exists and must be achieved.

Let's make a reservation right away that this belief in itself is not so 100% bad. There is a so-called "normal perfectionism". In this case, a person also strives for perfection, but he likes the process, he enjoys the results of his labor and tries to improve them again, again enjoying the process and a new, more advanced result. Those. it is a normal motivational process that possibly drives our civilization.

However, this process of moving forward can be perverted. Neurotic (pathological) perfectionism associated with the fact that a person moves forward because he is afraid not to move. On the way to the goal, he does not enjoy the views around him and the process does not make him happy, because this is not a journey to perfection, but an escape from imperfection. At the same time, having achieved the set goal, the perfectionist immediately depreciates it and can even regard it as a failure.

Let's illustrate with the example of 2 artists. One paints pictures, because this is the way for him to express himself, he opens up new possibilities in himself, improves his technique, tries new formats. Having finished the work, he is pleased with himself and starts something new, which can further develop and reflect his capabilities and inner world.

A perfectionist writes works, because he is afraid that he will not write a masterpiece by some time in his life, or will lag behind other artists or he will not be at the next exhibition, or because if he suddenly does not write, then what the same he will do. He is afraid to take an extra step aside, to try something new, because it can ruin everything. Having painted the picture, he immediately examines it and says to himself: “So what? While I was painting one picture here, Ivan Ivanovich had already written 3. I am still here in my years sitting with…. (lists achievements), but Leonardo da Vinci at my age (lists achievements). And he immediately rushes to paint more pictures, because he needs to catch up with Ivan Ivanovich and Leonardo da Vinci.

In other words, pathological perfectionism is not only the desire for perfection, but also the fear of imperfection and the belief that perfection is the only source of value in his life

As usual - all the problems from childhood. Although the idea of a genetic basis for this style of thinking is in the air, it has not yet been proven. Upbringing in the family is currently the main theory.

It is believed that perfectionism can be triggered by two parenting styles:

1. Different parents have different values and priorities that they demonstrate to a child. For example, a mother thinks that a first grader doing push-ups 5 times is a great fellow. The father, when he heard about the achievement of his son, immediately exclaims that his son is a weakling. In his years, you need to do push-ups 10 times. The child trains and after a while begins to do push-ups 10 times. The mother praises that he is developing and working on himself and has achieved a result, while the father makes fun of him, says that 10 times is not enough. Only idiots consider such things an achievement. This can happen several times in a row, and finally, the son will think hard, tell his father that he does 50 push-ups or still train up to 100. On the one hand, it seems that dad is doing a continuous favor. The boy is training. But this is the pattern that you shouldn't rejoice at your achievement, because this is nonsense, and you need even more, and only then you will be loved and approved. It is not clear only it will be enough for you to be worthy of love and respect. Men often behave this way in relation to the athletic achievements of their sons, women often use such upbringing in relation to the appearance and figure of their daughter.

2. Fuzzy goals in achieving a goal. This is a situation when a child is given instructions to be like grandfather / Margaret Thatcher / Schwarzenegger. In fact, it is quite difficult to determine without additional clarifications whether you have already become an ideal, or not yet. And if at some points you have already reached it, then is it necessary to tighten the rest.

Often, a child with perfectionist tendencies exhibits the following symptoms rather vividly:

- is overly worried about his mistakes. Remembering his puncture at school, he may not sleep at night, cry for a long time, refuse to play and communicate with friends. For him, a mistake, even a small one, is a disaster.

- sets himself too high standards, which at the moment he definitely cannot fulfill. And this impossibility to do what was conceived causes him quite strong experiences.

- constantly talks about what his parents expect from him, and is worried that it does not justify their expectations

- very sensitive to parental criticism. The slightest remark causes an emotional storm, tears.

- unsure of what he is doing and doing. Having written the test all evening until the results, he does not find a place for himself, constantly expresses fears that he missed something, did something unfinished

- strives for order and organization, Reacts quite strongly when his plan or order was violated by someone.

These characteristics can persist in adults as well.

In fact, these are not just wrong thoughts about what should be. This is a peculiar style of perception of the world, which makes possible only an endless run towards unattainable perfection.

Thus, people with perfectionism.

1. Selectively attentive to negative details. In any of their achievements, they can always find the minuses and immediately inflate them to such an extent that the achievement itself loses all attractiveness.
2. The main motive for moving towards the goal is the fear of remaining imperfect and defective. If I do not reach the goal, I am no one and there will be no more happiness in my life, no one will respect and love me.
3. Having received or achieved what they want, they immediately push the goal away from themselves and turn the achievement into failure - “if I were truly gifted and talented, then at that time I would have done 2 times more”
4. The goal of the perfectionist is not pleasure in their activities and enjoyment of the result, but the absence of errors in execution.
5. The main emotion is fear of failure. They often procrastinate to reduce negative emotions. And they also react too sharply to the slightest criticism of their work.
6. All-or-nothing thinking. If you have not achieved an unknown result, then you are a nonentity.

Pathological perfectionism can be of 3 types.

1. Self-oriented. Those. man sees only himself as an object of endless improvement. He has his own standards and attitudes by which he determines what exactly and in what capacity should be ideal. Whether it will be intellect, social position, or an impeccable figure. It is borderline perfectionism, depression and eating disorders.
2. Others-oriented. The objects in this case are other people.. Talented children often fall for such parents who are ready to endlessly “improve” them for their own good. Ordinary children also get it from narcissistic parents, who, as you know, already have an unattainable ideal - they are themselves.
3. Socially prescribed perfectionism - striving for the ideal, because it is required by significant others or society."The position obliges", "every decent woman at work must …", etc. At the same time, the person himself, without the pressure of society, willingly refuses to chase after something and "relaxes"

Yes, now many will notice that what difference does it make what a person leads, if he achieves good results in something, makes discoveries, improves the financial situation of the family, gives a good start to his children, etc. The difference is in the quality of life. You can achieve all of the same, but have fun in the process. Go there and develop what the personality itself wants, not a mother or a party. Take your own pace in life, your colors, your standards and your priorities. To have such a figure and there is as much as a person considers necessary, and does not require fashion from him.