2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
- What to do in situations when all first-graders in the class have a tablet with the Internet, and the child asks for the same? How to raise a child in general about all gadgets and phones?
- Of course, it is necessary to put a lot of energy into family education so that the child is protected to some extent. Even an adult (me too!) Sometimes regrets that my phone model is not the latest, and it has fewer options. And this is insulting.
I think that parents need to include this topic in more general conversations with their children. Phones and tablets are part of a broader question that worries them: How do I look in front of others? What does it mean to "compare yourself with someone" and "envy someone"? How to react when someone boasts: my dad has such a car, I have such a gadget.
Such things should be discussed in advance. Here the child bursts into tears, and you tell him: “Stop it, this is not the main thing. The main value is your knowledge, your spiritual development”. It's too late! It's like saying to a 15-17 year old girl that the one she fell in love with doesn't suit her, that he is a scoundrel and a seducer. Late.
I read how a wonderful child psychologist conducts play therapy with a girl. The psychologist is very accepting, warm, the child begins to trust her and says: "When I grow up, I will marry you." The girl is five years old, but she is already creating a human image of the person she will marry, although she is naively mistaken with gender. The latter is especially touching, as it shows that the human is more important to her.
You need to tell your child: “You are not amplified by a gadget, you do not become more interesting because of it. It is a shell. And you are alive, real, even if your "shell" is worse, but let's compare the living! Let's talk about this boy who has a new gadget, why does he have the feeling that he is stronger now and you are weaker? Are you sure about this? Let's compare your actions, maybe he is really stronger in something, but not at all because he has a gadget. But if he only brags about him, then he has such a support, stilts."
Alexey Rudakov (husband of Julia Gippenreiter, mathematician):
- It seems to parents that the child's life is simple and cloudless. It is worth buying him a more expensive phone, and he will be happy. In fact, the child must be taught to resist a difficult world. There are many problems in the world of children: they don't have a gadget, they don't like smart ones, and there are enough conflicts.
It is necessary to teach to resist with horns, to have your own position. It starts early. If you think that the world is so soft, here are a couple more gadgets, and you will be directly happy - it's terrible, it's a failure. Money doesn’t bring happiness, gadgets don’t bring happiness.
- If I were a teacher, class teacher in the eighth or ninth grade, I would say: “Guys, each of you has a telephone - someone is modern, someone has a tin can, a soap dish. Let's do an experiment. And I would ask you to write:
- Who is the strongest in the class?
- Who is the most respected?
- Who is the kindest?
- Who is the smartest?
- Who is the most patient?
- Who would you trust the most?
- Who is the most persistent?
- Who thinks most independently of all?
Only positive properties, no negative ones! And to write three to five names in front of each item. And then ask who has better phones and who has worse. And compare.
Here is a list of the class, but on the contrary - kind, smart, strong. Some didn’t get anywhere, and I would say: “It’s not because you don’t possess these properties, but because you don’t show your best qualities, for example, kindness, the guys don’t see it yet,” - this must be said.
It is necessary to consult with a psychologist, think over such an experiment, perhaps after that some guys will be cured of their longing for an iPhone
Alexey Rudakov:
- These qualities must be acquired - and independence, and resilience, and stubbornness, in the end.
- We need to voice these qualities and bring them to the consciousness of children. There is a narrowing of interests in the techniques and means of communication, but in reality they will have to live more widely. Children are simultaneously enriched and impoverished by technological progress. Therefore, the task of humanitarians - writers, artists, playwrights, psychologists, teachers and parents - is to expand their world, consciousness, spheres of their lives!
Alexey Rudakov:
- There is another danger. The child must learn to deal with the world, but sometimes it is too difficult for him, he may find himself in a situation of being driven. Teachers bite him, peers attack him, and then, of course, he needs to be protected.
- How to protect?
The child should not be protected from difficulties. The world is a complex thing, he may find himself in a very difficult situation, then he must be ready to ask for help. If this channel is destroyed by control, criticism, harshness of behavior, fear that he will be scolded and condemned by his parents, then the child may be really in danger. The main thing is to have contact. And if the child has lost contact, then it's bad. Especially with teenagers. Trust must be there.
- And if contact is lost, can it be restored in some way?
- Of course! After all, the child is also looking for mutual understanding. If there is no contact with the parent, he tries to establish it with a relative, if not with relatives, he chooses a teacher. Children are looking for contact, everyone is looking for. What do you mean, lost, and that's it? Of course, he feels bad if he is lost, but he must try to recover. But what about?
- How do you feel about early childhood development? Today, many mothers try to fill the baby's time as much as possible, offering new and new activities. If you don't do this, you feel that you are missing a lot. Do I need to fill the whole time of a small child with development and activities?
- A mother who tries to occupy the child as much as possible does not believe in the spontaneous forces of his development. The child, of course, needs intellectual food and external information. You need an acquaintance with geography, with materials, with paintings, paints. But he has imagination, interest, ability and desire to do what he wants - all these are very important things, they are included in his self-determination. “I need it” is an expression of how you feel.
When the mother strenuously stuffs the child with various activities, she pulls him by the strings, like a character in a puppet theater: "Now you will do this, and then this and this!" He has not yet had time to figure out what is interesting to him, but the energy of his mother is wedged into his consciousness, they will tell him - and he will do exactly what they say. The mental process and mental skills that develop in the course of independent studies, not to mention creativity, fantasy, should grow from the inside, and not according to external schemes.
Early development classes are divided into two groups: informing the child (there is still such a substance, and there are also such countries, and also such words) and entertainment, games. It is important how much the mother allows him to be independent - in any occupation, this must be remembered.
How does mom organize classes? Does she ask the child questions? Says: "Look, observe"? Or just: "Do this, do this." Constantly hammering a child's time is the path to his learned passivity. As a result, the child will not be able to occupy himself, he will need someone else to come up with classes for him, give him instructions. He will continue to expect that the external figure in the form of a mother will decide and do a lot for him.
Deus ex machina
Alexey Rudakov:
- I am always surprised when I hear that a child needs this, this, and this one more to be taught before school. The list for the school is small, though small. And the child still has a lot to learn. For example, mastering your body. This is a huge task, which consists of dozens of different things - how to get into this, and how to get through that …
- How to climb the fence, run on a narrow board? How cubes fall if you put them wrong. And how is it necessary so as not to fall? This is the mastery of physical laws. And even to watch how mom swears at dad is also very important.
- And if instead they sit, they open a book for him and forcefully teach him to read, he can miss a lot of everything.
- So the answer is: no fanaticism. Develop without fanaticism.
Nature is plastic, and the mother should be plastic with the child, not tough. This is a very good word for mom - plastic!
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