At The Beginning Of A Long Journey. How To Want And Start Doing

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

I have experience. I help people get off the ground, start something important in their lives. And every day I walk this path myself. With their own designs.

Despite the fact that there is a classic idea of what stops people on the way to the goal (the idea of Ericksonian coaching, concepts from Gestalt therapy), between these huge "explanations-reasons" each person finds his own unique hook, or even more than one that holds it tenaciously; if it lets go for a moment, it catches it again. Therefore, the path to the blue dream is not easy.

This is the path through hardships to the stars. The road is complicated by the fact that most of this thorns stabs and burns from the inside.

To find your hook, to dig out this prickly thorny branch, you still need to try.

To begin with, it would be good to decide on which part of your path you are:

Do you have an idea, are you hatching it in order to present it to the world, or at least tell your loved ones?

Have you already dared, admitted to yourself (to yourself) what you want, but have not yet plucked up the courage to tell someone else about it?

You told, met with misunderstanding, obstacles or, on the contrary, with support, but now suddenly "sagged" - sat down on the priest exactly and completely forgot about what was just now warming your soul?

You took your first steps, “started the machine of changes,” but were afraid of something?

Idea

Any path starts with an idea. Yes, the idea itself is worthless. But even without an idea, you will not do anything. This is the seed of your path.

It is even scary to admit to yourself that you are dreaming about something

It is even scary to admit to yourself that you are dreaming about something, not that to others.

Internal reproaches and censors will be more helpful than real ones.

"I want …" - a timid voice is heard inside. "What? What? What is not enough for you? Why do you need it? And where to put all those worries that are already on you? Where are you and where is your dream? " And the classic - “Dreaming is not harmful! Go ahead and wash the dishes better."

As adults do not hear children, so we often do not give meaning to these "childish, stupid dreams." But in fact, it may turn out that a person knew what he wanted for many, many years, but was afraid to admit it to himself, hid it from himself, from mocking and devaluing voices. That there were and are favorite things that I like to do, places that I want to come to, a way of life in which I want to live. But allowing oneself to notice this means admitting to oneself that I want something different from what I have now. And not just another, but this one.

“I have not been happy with my life for a long time. But I don't know what I want."

People often come to me in a state of emptiness who say: “I have not been happy with my life for a long time. But I don't know what I want."

That childish Wishlist, which squeaked in a childish voice: "Mom, mom, buy ice cream!" has long shut up. "You are not allowed ice cream, you will have a sore throat." "We have no money for any nonsense." "Normal kids are quiet and don't beg." In order to allow oneself to want again, one must again meet with these childish, prohibiting attitudes, enter into an unequal battle with them and win for oneself the right to want, to desire, to achieve.

And it so happens that before that you need to regain your sensitivity to ordinary things - am I warm or cold, I want to eat or sleep, I want to go to the toilet or drink? How am I now?.. What am I feeling now? (sadness, joy, irritation, confusion, impatience, emotional excitement, fear, fear, disappointment, etc., etc.) What would I like now? Or more directly for the brave - "What do I want now?" And what do I want for myself at all?

It so happens that before you go to something - to realize your dreams, desires, outlined plans, you need to check - am I even alive? It may turn out that what you now want and demand from yourself has nothing to do with you alive and real.

I know what I want, but I am not doing anything

I do nothing…

I'm like frozen …

Fear paralyzes me as soon as I think about it …

I am ready to do anything, just not what I expect from myself …"

“I stop, I don’t move, I don’t go anywhere, I don’t do what is important to me” - such requests are often heard in coaching and therapy.

“I forget what I wanted. I miss important meetings, calls … I have memory gaps. I'm just going blind, stupid before our eyes. I get lost … turn into a little frightened child …"

"I'm afraid…"

But why?

This is where the fun begins.

But first, about fear. Fear inhibits the activity of the brain, it blocks it. While a person is in fear, there are three functions - to fight, to flee, or to pretend to be dead. Doing sensible things, thinking about projects, doing strategic planning, creating - in fear does not work. It's like riding a bike on the brakes. The resistance to riding will be enormous.

You need to calm your fear.

And for this, at least to understand - what I am afraid of.

Irrational fear - “I'm afraid I don't know what” is difficult to cope with. How can you defeat an enemy without knowing who your enemy is? Just hide and shiver or wet everyone. Will not work. We need to figure it out.

When it is already clear what I want, the next question arises - "tell the world about it"

Tell someone close, colleagues, friends. Very rarely, projects are done alone. Even if you decide to divorce, you will have to tell your partner about it.

When genius thoughts come to mind, you need to at least discuss them with someone.

And then - hello! Fear of shame.

Well, you have to get out of your hole and show your innermost to someone …

They jinx it.

They will laugh.

They will give a lot of reinforced concrete arguments why I will not succeed.

And if God forbid they believe in me, and I end up screwing up?

Lord, how scary …

What if the people on whom my success depends do not support me? And if I start, and they abandon me? And if I do not pull myself, I can’t, I’m scared, I don’t have enough mind or strength? What then, huh?

As long as the project is inside and nurtured like a baby, it seems that nothing threatens it. It is hidden from the eyes of people, from unkind words and from any missteps.

But after a certain period of his life, such a long pregnancy clearly begins to threaten. He has every chance of turning into a fossil.

Looking back often, we wonder why I didn't do this earlier? What was I afraid of? And their fears are already hard to remember.

Our loved ones can meet the news about our project, about our dreams in different ways. They can support: “Come on, come on! Do it, dare! It is high time!"

They may seriously doubt our abilities, they may give a bunch of advice from their bell tower, which will confuse us.

And if the implementation of the project somehow hurts them personally (financially or it seems that they can lose us, miss us), then they begin to furiously discourage or even give an ultimatum. And here, of course, there is a question of choice. In my practice, there have been cases when people decided to give up their dreams in order to maintain a relationship.

Find like-minded people, partners. Assemble a team

There are projects that can be done alone. For example, you decided to go to the school of theatrical skill - if you have a dream of becoming an actress or you are a graphic designer, it is important for you to declare yourself, find customers and do your job. This is the case when there is one warrior in the field

And there are projects where you can't do without a team. For example, you want to open a foreign language school or launch a new product on the market, do something that you have never done.

In assembling a team, sensitivity, agreements and permission to try - to try to work together are very important. It happens that it turns out gorgeous. And sometimes, people are wonderful, and professionals are excellent, but they cannot work together.

When you admitted your dream to yourself, told the world about it, presented clearly what you want and assembled a team, it's time to go. The first steps have been taken, the ship has been launched, and here it is important to firmly hold on to the steering wheel and not stop rowing. (let's imagine that this can be done at the same time)

You are the captain.

But not a single voyage is complete without storms, hitches on the way, without difficulties. Sometimes you have to change team members, adjust the course.

Looking back, it's hard to imagine - wow! I have already done so much, I have been able to do so much. I went out to sea and have already done this way, I swam where I could not have imagined before.

Meaning

To start doing something consciously and over time, in order to consciously make efforts, you need to know why. Why, why am I doing all this.

Why is it so important to me.

It is the understanding of the meaning that gives a person the strength to experience difficulties, move forward and perform actions that he has never done before.

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The article used works by Dave Cutler Studio and Alberto Ruggieri