2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The Internet is full of concrete, practical techniques that can take human development to the next level. Materializing the desired and working through emotions, a gratitude list and positive thinking, the technique of mindfulness and concentration - all these methods are important and necessary for healing your own psyche. Why is it that so few manage to go beyond the familiar and truly change their lives?
The obvious answer suggests itself - mental laziness.
Unlike physical exercise, mental and spiritual practices take place under the cover of external immobility. Most of us are used to the idea that physical productivity is a sign of a successful, result-oriented person. Our environment encourages and supports active people in every possible way.
We live in an era where the outer trappings of success are equated with success itself. What does it mean? If we see a photo of a person hanging out at a party on a social network, we make the assumption that that person is happy, socially successful, and enjoying life. We also assume that being at a party is an essential quality of life for a happy person. This definition of “happiness” encourages us to go to parties, even if we don't feel genuinely attracted to them. In doing so, we suppress the dissatisfaction that we inevitably experience at all parties. In reality, we act to the detriment of internal work, which would help us find out that behind the desire to be present always and everywhere lies a misunderstanding and underestimation of personal desires, which prevents the achievement of real happiness. Ever heard of FOMO syndrome? (* FOMO = Fear of Missing Out; Fear of missing something important).
Spiritual, inner work seems to be secondary. There is never time for it. For a person of our time, it seems unattractive also because the process of its implementation is not sufficient to receive the praise of the collective. Most of the practices are performed in solitude, silence, and involve close contact with uncomfortable, unrecognized and repressed emotions.
Many of us view inner work as secondary to productivity, which today is commonly associated with a set of specific actions that lead to materially manifested success. However, the irony is that the first step in order to set yourself up in a productive mood is precisely that a person must do the lion's share of the inner work! Since the significance of such work is devalued, then the motivation to do it, which is absolutely natural, tends to zero.
If, being in a team, a person feels the need to play a role, then being alone with himself, he may slightly relax. Exhausted by maintaining status, a person does not find the free energy in himself to devote time to regular techniques in the palaces of his mind.
The second reason for mental laziness: we are not used to doing things for ourselves. Self-reproach and self-denial, lack of love for oneself are the qualities that the family and school have laid in us through a misunderstanding of how important it is to accept all emotions and work with them.
To love yourself, you need to learn to hear yourself. Integral psychologist Teal Swan offers a great way: every time you need to make a decision, ask yourself the question: "What would a person who loves himself choose?" Teal focuses on the need to hear the inner voice or, in other words, the intuition, the voice of the heart. The difference between intuition and the familiar voice of reason is that the voice of the heart always sounds neutral or friendly, without intellectual reinforcement. As soon as you feel that mental rationalization has kicked in, rest assured: this is the voice of the mind
Lack of confidence in the effectiveness of practices - another reason to abandon systematic spiritual work. Every now and then we hear the maxim: "Thoughts are positive." "What you think about, so you become." What prevents us from adopting the above-stated guidelines?
Sometimes people say that positive thinking is difficult because it seems unnatural to them. On the contrary, we perceive negative attitudes and reactions as natural. A deliberate change in our way of thinking is perceived by us as a step against our nature. And this feeling is natural, natural! After all, we spend our entire lives honing the skill of negative thinking. From early childhood, we learn to suppress significant parts of ourselves, sculpting ourselves into a sculpture acceptable to the team. Over time, the attitudes formed in the family take over the helm and begin to guide our lives.
So, the three main reasons why we neglect to work on our own psyche are as follows:
- The low importance of spiritual work in comparison with the external manifestations of success.
- Self-dislike.
- Distrust of the effectiveness of the practices.
Internal work brings results only when we do it regularly. No work - no result
The quick fixes offered by motivational trainers around the world often serve as a surface filter or “happiness pill” we take to escape the often painful and uncomfortable digging.
Inner work is a necessary work that precedes a state of peace of mind and happiness. Just 10 minutes a day dedicated to your favorite practice can change a person's mental state.
Someone “gets” a list of gratitude, someone - meditation. Some people enjoy making a list of priorities and keeping a self-observation diary. Some feel better doing their jobs intellectually, working through childhood traumas. Someone needs the presence of an observer in the face of a psychotherapist; some prefer to work on their own.
The individuality of a person dictates the most effective internal techniques for the mental growth of that particular person. Only when we learn to love ourselves, respect ourselves, and hear our emotional needs clearly will we be able to grow in other areas of our lives.
Lilia Cardenas, integral psychologist, psychotherapist
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