The Psychopath: Through The Eyes Of The Victim

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

It all starts out beautifully. Extraordinary words, gifts, compliments … He is looking for different ways to surprise you and please you, despite the lack of funds or their availability. If you have not had a relationship with men before, you are in an incomprehensible state after a recently ended relationship, or are generally married, he will find a way to attract your attention and make it so that already you will need this relationship more than he does. And then the first sex will happen, which will be the best in your life. And then he will say the most beautiful words that you have never heard before and will surround you with such care, love and attention that you have not seen in your life.

Everything. Now you are in his "reliable" hands. You don't notice that his there are many in your life. Lots of. Friends, hobbies, work, fade into the background. All your thoughts, dreams, expectations revolve around him. You want to be with him, perhaps you are thinking about a joint future in which “we” does not look like something wild. And all because he loves you, and you feel it.

At first, you do not notice how firmly a person has penetrated into your life and become a master in it. Because to you it looks like the care that you needed so much, that you have been waiting for. You think that finally a real man has appeared in your life, with whom you can relax and be happy.

Time passes, and decisions begin to be made for you: what you should wear, where you shouldn't go, where you should spend your time (well, of course, with him), where to spend your money. You can forget about meetings with parents and girlfriends, because he believes that you have everything in a relationship and wonders what else you might need?

Increasingly, you begin to notice that your opinion is not taken into account in this non-relationship, your desires to sit in a cafe with a friend or come to visit your parents are depreciated, ignored, or cause a wave of protest. These are the first bells that you do your best not to notice. But the one who is next to you - this is what you need. You need to lock you in your meager and cruel world, to make you forget about those people who were dear to you, in order to become the most significant in your life, to take control of your life.

You give in in your desires, needs and opinions. You do this to please him, and sometimes - because you are afraid of his violent reaction when his opinion differs from yours. Do you not understand how such a sweet person in love with you can be so rude, aggressive, selfish? This question haunts you.

But he really has two sides, the dark of which only you know. Indeed, with other people he is always charming, friendly and sociable, able to help, and shows his best qualities. Therefore, if you say something bad about him, they will not believe you.

Your life more and more begins to resemble a swing, where you cease to understand what is happening to him and to you, and when a "cold shower" of humiliation and insults falls on you, you are not at all ready for this. These are the second calls that you do not pay attention to, and if you do, then you try to his behavior to take responsibility. What did I do that caused his reaction? What should I do next time so as not to provoke his anger? What is my fault? At the same time, it is difficult for a person to admit his mistakes, to sincerely apologize for his words, and if he does this, it is only with the aim of showing that everything is fine in your relationship, once again clouding your eyes so that you suddenly do not suspect that something is wrong.

Do you remember sometimes he was able to admit his mistakes and apologize to you? But even then, a feeling of guilt rolled over you for your loud words, for thinking badly of him, discussing him with someone. After all, he is so good, able to admit where he was wrong, able to change, but not for long.

Despite all this, you do not leave. You think about the good things that happened in your relationship, how it all began. Before you often appears his image - attentive, caring, loving and that he can be so. But remember! These are not sincere feelings, but a cold calculation in order to completely seize power over you. Such people do not have the ability to empathy, they cannot truly love, because their whole life consists of lies, contempt, manipulation and selfishness in its extreme degree.

But then everything gets better and you have a period of calmness and love. In these moments you calm down, your pain from what he said is dulled. You become less alert, and it is in these moments that the person inflicts terrible blows on your self-esteem.

Remember how his state changed when your opinion was at odds with his opinion? Remember how he became when you tried to convey your thoughts to him, when he was in some way wrong? He became angry, humiliated you. For him, the need to be right is one of the key ones. And this is not about love.

Over time, you began to notice that the joy that was at the beginning of your relationship was replaced by fatigue and disappointment. You felt exhausted, unhappy, insecure. He undermined your attitude towards yourself, you stopped enjoying life. More and more often you began to doubt whether your opinion of yourself was correct and adequate when a person tells you such things as selfish, stupid, incapable of anything, indifferent. You did not notice that you began to lose yourself in these relationships, not at the level of making decisions for you, but at the level of giving up your principles and values. You began to slowly understand what kind of person is next to you, but doubts took over. You have been pointed out so often about your imperfect features that these words have become part of your consciousness and it is difficult for you to figure out whether these are your thoughts or the thoughts of a person who destroyed your life. But here you forget that he is a skillful manipulator, and everything that was said by you in this relationship was always used against you. When you felt bad, when you were the most vulnerable, when you needed support, the person did not always give it to you. He remembered all your pain points so that he could press them later, so that it would hurt you even more, because he cannot live without it. When you were in pain, he felt good, because with your pain he fed his imaginary perfection, his narcissism.

In order to change your relationship, you tried to change yourself, adjusted for months, and perhaps years for him. You changed your appearance, clothing style, social circle, work … But, perhaps, you noticed that it became some kind of someone else's life for you, in which there is only one correct opinion of how and what to do - his … You tried to surround him with warmth and care in the hope of changing this relationship, you took criticism seriously, thinking that you you need to work on this relationship, but I never waited for him to approve of you, it suits him, he will change in relation to you and, finally, love you. Things only got worse. He was always not enough - your love, care, affection, compliance, attention, rejection of their desires.

You also had "little" - little time to figure out what kind of person is next to you. There is not enough time to realize what is happening, since the reality of these relationships was changing at a breakneck speed. You had few resources to defend yourself, to hear your weak voice, which whispered to you with the last bit of strength: "run from him."

But, despite the fact that you still have strength left, he will take the last that you have, because he has an emptiness in his soul - and he wants to fill it with your energy, your suffering, so as not to think about his own. You have the last crumbs of self-respect, faith in yourself.

You expected love, acceptance, respect, support from him, but your expectations were not met. Instead, you are trampled into the ground, where not even ruins remain …

Shame, guilt, feelings of inferiority, fear and distrust of the whole world fill your life, and there is no room for something bright in it. What previously charged, gave energy, now no longer evokes such awe and response in the soul. There is only a feeling that this life has become empty and meaningless.

Listen to your voice, which whispers to you: "Run!"