2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Marriage statistics have recently looked like a social catastrophe: the number of divorces is almost equal to the number of marriages. According to psychologists, this is mainly because many people get married for a variety of ridiculous reasons, except for one true - to build a family. The famous psychotherapist and author of numerous books, Mikhail Litvak, spoke about who will be able to create a happy family, and who will have to replenish the divorce statistics.
In one interview you said that there are no happy families …
There is. But not enough. I have researched families myself. For 11 thousand families, there were 3 happy ones. But most importantly, only happy families are normal. The rest are pathology, cohabitation of two unfortunate people.
Is this a particular Russian feature?
Why? To one degree or another, pathologies are everywhere.
Why are there so many divorces? Do people make the wrong choice of spouse?
This is because people are poorly educated. They were not taught to think, they were not taught to choose a husband or a wife. We conducted a survey - which of the declarations of love will be liked more. The following options were proposed: “I cannot live without you”, “I will never offend you”, “Let's pull the strap of life together”. So, 75% of women chose the explanation “I can't live without you”. Can't you hear that this explanation is typical for a man-child or an alcoholic? But nobody liked the true declaration of love “Let's pull the strap of life together”.
What is love anyway?
It is an active interest in the life and development of the object of love. They all say: there is no one to love. Do you know how to love? Our marriages are essentially a sucker: "I can't live without you."
And what happens to love during the time it goes?
Over time, love becomes stronger and stronger … And if it was not originally there, then it becomes worse and worse.
What is the difference in the perception of marriage between a man and a woman?
A man and a woman see marriage the same way. But where did you see men and where did you see women? We have trousers and skirts. So, first you need to become either a man or a woman, and then build a family. Only a physically healthy, spiritually developed and financially successful person has the right to create a family. Do not deal with amateur beggars.
If the relationship began with intimacy, what future awaits them?
Intimacy should happen later. And in the beginning there must be a common worldview. Love is not when they look at each other, but when they look in one direction. Canadian researchers have identified four factors that make a family strong. The first is a common worldview. The second is general gastronomic tastes. And only in third place is intimate relationships. On the fourth, by the way - the desire to stroke each other. And when a family is created through the bed, there is nothing good about it.
Men often compare themselves to males and argue that cheating is mandatory …
Cheating occurs due to the fact that people were mistaken in choosing a companion. If you made a mistake and married (married) the wrong person (the wrong person), it is natural that someone else begins to like someone else.
Which women are not being cheated on?
Physically healthy, spiritually developed and financially independent. Our women have three sexual disorders: pedophilia, bestiality, masochism. First, they take a man not as a husband, but for upbringing. Secondly, they live with alcoholics. And what is an alcoholic? This animal. And thirdly, they suffer from masochism: they love to be bullied.
If a woman is physically healthy, financially independent, but no longer young? Does it have fewer prospects?
She has more prospects! This is a woman in the very juice. It has already taken place. She doesn't need a side dish, she needs a steak.
How to conduct reconnaissance at the initial stage of dating and determine whether this person is “yours” or not?
In communication, in gesticulation, in the manner of dressing. Socrates said: "Tell me something, I want to see you." After a few phrases, you can determine who is in front of you and whether you coincide in worldview.
If there are any discrepancies, can a woman adapt to a man or try to re-educate him?
No. It is necessary to take finished products, not semi-finished products. Mature people should get married. And you can reeducate only one person - yourself. Wrong - it means we have to disperse. And look for another.
Where is the best place to look?
Only at work. When you observe a person at work, you see how he took place. Now we are working together with you, and you can form an opinion about me … And at the evenings of meetings or in nightclubs - a meeting of liars.
Have women's needs changed recently?
Have not changed in the last hundred thousand years.
But what about the fact that now girls want to marry just for high-status men?
And rightly so. It means they are ripening. But you also have to be of high status. In our country, unfortunately, the majority of women have the psychology of a latent prostitute: to find a rich man to feed. And for this they plan to run the household and give themselves up in bed. Things must be called by their proper names: this is prostitution. However, there are now many men who can be called latent gigolos, who are looking for rich women, but do not want to develop themselves.
But there is a theory that a woman should only inspire a man, create comfortable conditions for him, remaining in his shadow …
You are confusing a man with a trouser. A man doesn't need to be inspired. He himself is inspired by his work and its result. You can't live for a woman or for a man.
And for the sake of the children?
Moreover, it is impossible … Children are something ephemeral. Children, no matter what they are, good or bad, will leave you at the age of 18–20. A man and a woman are closer to each other, and children are something temporary. A byproduct of our love.
As a result of divorce, women are left with this "product of love", and men claim that they do not want to marry a woman with a child …
For a man (not a trouser), a child from his first marriage is not a problem. Why? Because he is ready to do everything for the child, if only his beloved is there. But when a woman herself believes that a child is the most important thing in life, she will never be happy in marriage.
It is believed that the institution of marriage is withering away, that the future belongs to alternative forms of cohabitation. How do you feel about the guest form?
A guest marriage isn't all that bad. It happens that people live in a civil marriage - it's normal. And as soon as they registered, they began to live badly.
What is the reason for this change?
The fact that a person wants to be free. Formal marriage fetters him. A stamp in a passport does not change anything for an intelligent person. And for a fool, it changes.
Galina Akhmetova
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