Accepting Your Imperfection

Video: Accepting Your Imperfection

Video: Accepting Your Imperfection
Video: EMBRACE YOUR IMPERFECTIONS: How To Accept How We Are A Flawed Species | Alain de Botton London Real 2024, March
Accepting Your Imperfection
Accepting Your Imperfection
Anonim

It is commonplace and common knowledge that people are imperfect. There is no ideal and absolute. But modern society puts this quality not only as an obligatory norm for all, but also as the only form of existence.

The secret is probably not that complicated. It is natural for a person to improve himself, go forward and improve his qualities. This is both the strength and weakness of a person. Strength, because self-improvement and development are the basis for the development of civilization. Weakness, because striving for the best, like other human qualities, can be used for manipulation.

If you look around, you can see many promises to show the path to excellence. And if you are perfect, you automatically become omnipotent and beyond the reach of others. Buy Ax deodorant and a crowd of girls will run after you. Buy lengthening mascara, and "all men are crazy about you."

Only bad luck. One can never become ideal and perfect, never become equal to God. Even if we turn to different religious movements, the perfection of God is not always interpreted in the same way. And as for paganism, the gods there were very different from each other, but in the eyes of admirers of the appearance and qualities were ideal. It is all the more difficult to come to a consensus about perfection in such a controversial category as the assessment of one's own and someone else's personality. The fact is that it is impossible to please everyone around you, to meet the standards of all people on the planet. And society, especially a modern motley one, with a wide range of opinions and expectations, will never come to a common opinion.

Yes, we are not perfect, and it is very important for a person to accept this fact. Do not just pronounce it in order to demonstrate your modesty and self-criticism, but realize that this is so. And this is not a vice, but a person's property to act differently in different situations. And only then can we ourselves interpret our behavior as a disadvantage or advantage.

To admit oneself honestly and frankly imperfect in front of oneself is not an easy task for many. For the overwhelming majority of our contemporaries, this is tantamount to admitting their weakness and vulnerability. And this is scary, especially for narcissists, because vulnerability and imperfection plunges them into the abyss of despair, equates them with insignificant people.

For fear of being “just human,” people deny their imperfection completely. But this fear, it does not go anywhere, and is usually projected outside. Such citizens distinguish themselves as a special group, a class of God's chosen ones, who have tremendous advantages over those around them.

They are the smartest, the most free, the most "thinking" and the most critical. Such a community willingly discusses the terrible flaws of everyone else outside their little world and comes up with methods of punishment for "moral and intellectual cripples." Many also admit that they have signs of imperfection, but usually they mean that it is simply insignificant in comparison with these terrible people around. And as usual, the stronger the suppressed emotions, the harder the “God's chosen” are trying to deal with people to whom they attribute their own flaws.

Another category of people recognizing themselves as imperfect pushes into depression and drives them onto the self-improvement treadmill. If they are imperfect, then one must run for perfection without stopping, otherwise the world will stop loving. By the way, according to the modern concept of success and excellence, such citizens are trying to catch up with the “God's chosen” self-isolated community.

One way or another, all these people cannot accept themselves as they are. From their point of view, human imperfection is equal to disability (This and the same projection partly explains the negative attitude towards disabled people, in particular in Russia).

Where does it come from? Everything, as usual, comes from childhood. A child at an early age can accept himself as much as the parents accept the ego, and how they relate to the fact of the baby's imperfection. Yes, a child, in comparison with adults, loses very much. Some parents consider this a vice, and let the child not only understand this, but also speak directly about it. From the mother and father, the child often hears that you will be accepted in our family only under certain conditions, but these conditions are not feasible for a specific age of the child. The baby's imperfection is a terrible shameful vice that is regularly poked in his face. “You can't do anything normally”, “Hook hands”, “You write like a chicken with a paw”, etc.

For this reason, accepting one's imperfection is worse than suicide for many. You admit that you are like this - in fact, you will signify your inferiority and you will be thrown out of your family and from society. After all, if you have flaws, you are not worthy of anything. Only you will be tolerated if you run towards unattainable heights. So work don't look back.

People in this case do not feel much better. Even if they are loved and accepted, they do not notice it. They have no experience of self-acceptance and acceptance in society. They just don't see signs of approval and support. It seems to them that they are constantly late and they need to always rush to meet expectations, be useful, try to squeeze all the strength out of themselves, and only then you will not be thrown out into the cold.

And therefore, when you ask people during consultations to accept that you can’t do everything in this world, and that in principle it makes no sense for you to be able to do most things because of their uselessness, people are very frightened and say something like: “If I am now I admit this to myself, but I will quit working, studying, etc. I will have no incentive! And then nobody will need me, everyone will leave me and no longer respect me."

The process of accepting oneself for many seems to be some kind of complex military operation - a multi-move, or in general, a kind of scam designed to deceive others and oneself. Moreover, the operation is very risky, but in fact, it is not so impossible. Acceptance begins with the fact that a person must say to himself: “I am normal, such as I am, right now and I do not need to do anything to be normal. Happiness is where I am"

Yes, yes, happiness is where you are. People often do not feel it, because every moment they think that they are not perfect. Much has not yet been done, fulfilled, decided to be happy. A lot of circumstances, conditions, the wrong situation and the wrong times. And so all my life, because you are still "under …".

But there is really no reason not to feel happy just because you have not achieved abstract perfection. All our imperfections and flaws are our individuality, and what makes us different from others. Imperfections are often subjective. This is something worth remembering before you start nagging yourself for the fact that you have not yet reached the ideal, and therefore a nonentity that no one will ever love Ask yourself, what will really happen if you do not become a god in an issue or an industry in which you fight. Now you have stopped and are at the point of reality. What happens if you don't go anywhere, or go with a different speed, or, in general, turn to the side. Usually, people describe a sharp influx of fear and childhood memories, the faces of parents or other significant persons who talk about the insignificance of a small child, reject him for his age restrictions. But this is already a thing of the past. Don't act like your parents. Love yourself for who you are.

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