2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Every behavior has a positive intention. That is, with this behavior, a person wants something good for himself. For example, a person yells and freaks out, but wants to get attention or approval in this way. At first glance, it may seem delirium, but if you think that the behavior was formed in childhood, for example, then it is not so delusional (from some parents, this was the only way to get attention, what can you do).
And we don't know as much about ourselves as we think.
So that's it. Every behavior has a positive intention. The question is different: when the other person wants something from you, is his intention in relation to YOU positive?
Because people are different. For example, criticism. Basically, any criticism is based on the desire to improve something. But! Many people, through criticism, can receive such benefits as an improvement in their opinion of themselves (by humiliating another or by shifting the focus of attention to another: look how everything is bad with him, but everything is not so bad for me, so I am better). Why not?
That is, when a friend in front of everyone takes some of your achievement, which you are proud of, and speaks of it as something insignificant and unimportant, then she certainly has a positive intention. Maybe mom talked to her like that (and said at the same time "I wish you well"). Or a kindergarten teacher. And she considers this to be the norm. Each has its own rate. The question is: does she want something good for you? Yes, it’s unlikely. A person is a mercenary creature, and a friend at this time thinks only of herself and her emotional needs.
It can be even more confusing. For example, a person has a behavior (to overeat in the evening) and a positive intention for such behavior (to feel safe). For example, these behaviors and positive intentions were formed when there was no other way to get a sense of security. However, this behavior can harm the state of health, shape, well-being after overeating. That is, a person harms himself. He once had circumstances in which it was normal and beneficial to overeat (feeling safe). Much time has passed since then, circumstances have changed, the habit has side effects. But the habit remains, although the person himself no longer remembers why, where and why it appeared.
And this is not an exception, this happens very often. Such a habit may still have secondary benefits, but that's another story.
Therefore, very often, when a person tries to give up problematic behavior (for example, quit smoking, stop overeating in the evenings, stop blushing with or without, etc.), for some reason it does not work. Often times, this is due to the positive intention behind this behavior and secondary benefits.
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