How Rules Ruin Your Relationship

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Each of us learned from childhood the system of assessments badly and well. It is quite simple and understandable, because the key concepts in it are right and wrong. On this basis, even in childhood, we begin to form our own rules, which later become our rules of life.

Everything is logical, because you have to live by the rules, it’s easier and easier, because it’s right. And up to a certain point, such a model can work almost without failures. However, the older we get, the more often life does not want to fit into our rules. Sadly, but in reality life is much more complicated to fit into a system of static rules. You can do this with mathematics, the Russian language (my favorite punctuation), but with life it does not work.

Such attempts to apply the rules are especially acute in the relationship between a man and a woman. Often we believe that our rules are the most correct and only for this the person who is next to them must accept them. Sometimes it happens, someone in a pair is either less conflicted, or loves the other very much, and agrees to accept our rules. However, some time passes and something begins to change in the quality of the relationship.

At first, people don't even want to notice it, and consider it insignificant. However, the one who accepted other people's rules begins to accumulate discontent at first, and then aggression. It pours out first in minor quarrels, and then in more significant events (break, divorce).

The one who sets his own, only his own, rules in a pair, usually refers to what is so good for a relationship and for both. However, in reality this is far from the case. In fact, this is only an overwhelming position of a skillful manipulator, which sooner or later, makes the other suffer, can lead to an explosion. This behavior pattern is found in both men and women. Interestingly, such people are very intelligent, and do not consider themselves tyrants at all.

Relationships are interactions, not actions on one another. Think about how you would feel if pressure was put on you all the time, explaining that this is for your own happiness? Surely, these feelings would be far from joy and pleasure.

Rules, of course, are needed, but only if they are general. Think about it, how are things going with the rules in your relationship? Maybe it's time to correct them, or maybe radically change them.

Live with joy! Anton Chernykh.