With Love, To Those Who Walk In The Dark

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

When I started my practice, I made a promise that I would not work with narcissistic people. The toxicity of communication can hurt like the air full of smoke from forest fires. Toxic people know what they want and know how to squeeze it out of their loved ones, it doesn't matter to them that their loved ones are gradually destroyed and also receive a similar injury …

Why don't the wounded people leave? Why do they choose to stay close to a toxic person, hurting themselves against him and gradually acquiring similar toxic traits too?

This often applies to children raised in families where there is a toxic relative. A child is a dependent creature and he cannot leave the family, even if he is very bad there. He can only adapt to a toxic family, accept what is happening around him as the norm, and create protective mechanisms. Survival is necessary somehow. So people grow up, wounded by toxic relatives, accustomed to freeze motionless at the sight of a scandal, or vice versa to entertain others so that they are attacked inadvertently. Or run and hide at the start of a scandal. And many more, who are used to surviving. Over time, there is no longer any need for these protective mechanisms, but a person is used to living with them, in order to wean it takes time. You no longer need to hide from your father in a rage, sleep with a knife, or not talk about your affairs, so as not to receive a dose of criticism. It is difficult to understand and admit that you can live differently.

And it is very likely that such a child also grows up into a traumatized narcissistic adult. There is only one difference the size of Mount Everest - such a narcissist does NOT want to receive energy by parasitizing on others, provoking loved ones to negativity.

Such people can build a beautiful narcissistic shell to protect their trauma and to avoid criticism and shame or anything else that scares them. Talented, bright, lively - they spend a lot of effort to hide their wounded I. As a result, they are exhausted, sad for no reason, they cannot show their talents at full strength.

If they are lucky, they decide to come to therapy and then the process of change occurs faster. But more often they go forward, changing through analysis and repeated trauma. Inside such a person, there is a dark abyss. In her, that lonely little child from the past is crying.

I have a lot of respect and love for those who walk in the dark, through pain, to change for myself, for the sake of loved ones. To those who did not give up, but walk through the darkness, at least there is a lot of temptation to surrender.

Later, when the old trauma begins to drag on and the fear of criticism, shame, depreciation goes away, peace comes and new facets and talents open up. Psychotherapy speeds up these processes. I am glad to see how people change after long-term therapy. Strength is returning, people are trying new things, making old dreams come true. How they stop restraining themselves and show themselves and the world their abilities. Emotions blocked by defense mechanisms are unblocked, and a person begins to understand his desires, feel, live to the fullest, the feeling that life is passing by, life is filled with contacts with people, new colors come to life.