Love Is Let's Dig A Little Deeper

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Ask any young couple what they think about how long their marriage and romantic relationship is filled with all-encompassing love like now? And how strange almost everyone answers that this will last forever. After all, they are all subject to the ideal that the main thing in life is love. And as sad as it is to admit it, according to science, the feelings of partners will almost certainly change.

But let's start in order.

Recently I was thinking about a little social madness, namely the idea of eternal love. Let's remember any wedding, everyone says toasts in which the words appear: "Your love will never fade away, for eternal love." All over the world, the cult of romantic love actually reigns. We make films about this, write books, poems. “Love” is the most common word in songs.

Let's rewind time a bit.

Almost all previous generations considered love to be a fleeting, unnecessary feeling, and not related to marriage. Once upon a time, love for a spouse was even considered strange and irresponsible. If you remember history, then once there was a case when a Roman politician was expelled from the Senate for a public kiss from his wife. The fact that he loves his wife and showed public sympathy seemed too low to society.

And the famous treatise of the 12th century read: “Between husband and wife there is no place for love”, well, how not to mention Franklin, who once declared: “Love, being only a passion, is doomed to transience”.

So, what was love for in the opinion of past generations? It was the most real frivolity, distracting from the truth of the essence of marriage. For millennia, marriage has served as goals of politics and economics, military negotiations, and recruiting workers. And it was considered unthinkable to focus in such an overriding matter on some kind of feelings, especially on love.

But about two hundred years ago, the opinion began to spread that young people should decide everything for themselves and should be allowed to be guided by love.

Everything seemed to be getting better, but we started taking her too seriously. The myth began to circulate that it is necessary to find a “soul mate” in order to find true happiness. But for some reason everyone forgot that the very concept and the term "soul mate" was invented by the poet Semuel Taylor (I hope I correctly declined the name and surname). And nowadays the dominant concept of love is such that everyone has their own unique ideal couple, the notorious “the same / the same”.

Let's check the myth about the second half, let's make calculations. Of course, they will be in error because I do not have an exact figure for the female population, but I will try.

“Let's say there is one man who is looking for the perfect soul mate, which is out there somewhere. For him, there are 3, 7 billion potential women in the world, among whom there is “the one”. If we recognize the halves only with a glance (well, you know about love at the first wave of the eyelashes), suppose that in a day he will make eye contact with a dozen people, multiply this figure by 365 days a year and get 800,000 years to find his other half. It's certainly not a bad thing if you have ten thousand lives left."

Now you can accuse me of bias, but it is not. A similar study, but with real numbers, has shown that couples who believe in “fate” and “halves” break up earlier than those who believe that relationships should grow and change.

Couples who believe in ideal love usually have the following idea: “When we see each other, butterflies appear in the stomach. Begins to dizzy. Just the thought of her / him drives you crazy, etc. It's a pity to disappoint, but this is all a description of the phenomenon of licency (or ardent reckless love, falling in love). Limeration usually lasts an average of one and a half to three years.

The most lasting relationships are for couples who have come to the realization that love, like all emotions, can grow, change, and sometimes even fade away. Of course, no one wants the extinction of love, but it is important to accept this possibility. To believe that love is eternal and butterflies will always be - means to live with illusions and idealize your relationship. Realistic marriages are capable of being viable and lasting a lifetime.

Just think, a moment comes and two people vow for the rest of their days to feel the same for each other. They are throwing a huge expensive holiday for all friends.

After all, in fact, all this is not important, but … that's what is important, to cope with everything so that it does not fall out in life, to maintain relations in a "working" state, to resolve conflicts immediately, and not to wait until it snows over, to talk to each other, discuss each other, be autonomous and respect boundaries, be happy together and be happy with each other's having you.

And of course, do not forget that you can always seek qualified help if some insoluble situation suddenly arises. Family therapy according to statistics helps if the couple decides to apply immediately, without dragging out the conflict until the final denouement of the story, where the word divorce appears.

By the way, about the divorce …. although I think I'll leave this topic for the next article.

Thanks to everyone who came to the end, I hope you were interested in reading this material.