2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
At thirty-four, I didn't really think about how much I would manage in life. Because 34 * 2 = 68, and seventy is still far away. And here is 35 * 2 = 70. And then all sorts of thoughts like "half a life lived", "time has begun to decline", "must be in time" and the crown "and what have you achieved by your thirty-five?" Moreover, with a tinge of reproach, like, well, it is clear that "achieved little", "tried badly", "time is running out", "come on, come on" and the like.
Most importantly, these thoughts do nothing to help you speed up, be productive, or become happier. They only increase anxiety, strike with guilt and take away strength.
And then I asked myself the main question of this year:
- Will you love yourself if you don't have time for something in your life?
This seems to be the case. It is easy to love yourself when you are successful, powerful and beautiful. And try to love yourself if something doesn't work out? And if you made a mistake? What if you screwed up? And if you don't like yourself at some point? Can you sincerely continue to love yourself - imperfect?
And then it turns out that loving yourself "just like that" is unusual. For some reason this seems wrong and unacceptable. And it also turns out that everything is the same with other people. Almost all psychological problems are solved if a person learns to accept and love himself. When clients come with fears, irritability, feelings of guilt, low self-esteem, high self-esteem, in grief, with difficulties in relationships with loved ones, in a situation of difficult choices, in search of their own business and with other questions - any situation becomes clear as soon as the person asks myself:
- How do I dislike myself in this situation? Where do I not accept myself?
What have I been doing this year? He taught people to love themselves - imperfect.
- Love yourself, even if someone is rude.
- Love yourself, even if your mother does not support.
- Loving yourself, even if your husband does not help.
- To love yourself, even if the wife does not love.
- Love yourself, even if the child does not obey.
- To love yourself, even if something doesn't work out.
- To love yourself, even if you don’t like yourself (this is aerobatics, total acceptance of yourself).
He taught and studied himself.
It turned out that if you love yourself, then:
1. The magic of numbers disappears, it doesn't matter what to multiply by what and what the result is, because I'm in no hurry. I love myself right now, and not later, when I managed everything in my life and died happy.
2. Time does not "go away", but ceases to be important. I will have time as much as I have time. I love myself, even if I didn't have time for something.
3. Anxiety becomes tolerable because there is no danger of missing something.
4. He lets go of the imaginary guilt on the topic of "not achieved", because, first of all, he has achieved a lot of things and it can be seen. And secondly (and most importantly), there is no such bar that you need to jump over until you are seventy.
5. Paradoxically, this attitude helps to be more productive. When you love yourself, do not hesitate to speak your mind, show your creativity and share. You don't wait two months to show your article. You are not afraid that someone will screw it up. You don’t put off things, but you want to do them. You don’t put off life and don’t rush it, you just live.
It seems to many that this is a path to laziness and inaction, because no one spurs on, there is no such clinical chorus in the head "come on, come on, work - work". There is no fear of "not being in time". But in place of this "stick" there is a "carrot": there is a desire to create and share, express oneself and get high, which motivates much better than anxiety.
It even shows up in numbers. It took me a long time to get used to the fact that I was already thirty-five, almost a whole year. I got used to the fact that I am already thirty-six on the same day.
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