2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
We all want love. This is a basic need for any person. We crave attention, care and warmth. But, if in childhood the child had to deserve love, if mom and dad loved only for good behavior or learned lessons, then a person learns that love cannot be received just like that, by birthright and belonging to a family. It is imperative that you do something “good” in order to receive a pitiful crumbs of recognition and warmth. His whole life turns into this "merit", he anxiously looks into the eyes of others in the hope of getting approval for his actions. And having received this approval, this love, he seems to be unable to appropriate them, it seems to him that everything is not right, this is not enough, he must try even more and deserve it.
And life turns into a marathon race called "Achieve Love."
One client of mine was a super pro in this marathon. Below is her discovery, which she shared with me at one of the sessions after some work that we did together. With her permission, of course.
“I suddenly realized that it is not love itself that is important for me, but to ACHIEVE love. This is exactly the action to ACHIEVE, that is, to prove to others that I am good. I spent a lot of time, effort and energy on this “finishing off”. And it is not surprising that with this "finishing off" I finished off this very love! I was focused on this action, I directed all my strength and skills there, every day I tried to solve a obviously unsolvable problem. I went into this with my head, with all my guts. And I did not notice anything around, I was head over heels in my world, where it was necessary to REACH.
A few days ago, I suddenly realized that there are people around from whom I can get what I need without seeking, but simply because they treat me well and correctly. I realized that I don't have to GET love from someone who turns away from me. Damn them! Let them go! There are so many beautiful things around that it is stupid to focus on this negative, you should not spend yourself on it. You can just turn around a little and see other people who treat me like a human being, and next to whom I feel easy and at ease, and after communicating with them, a smack of pleasure and happiness remains. And I don't need to prove anything, I don't need to try to be good."
What a wonderful insight, isn't it?
I myself went through this sad experience, when earning love was the main occupation of my life. My attention was focused only on those who did not give me love, and I tried my best to beg it from them. And when I suddenly realized that there are people who are ready to share their warmth with me just like that, I seemed to see the light. These people have always existed, but the place where they were was like it was in the shadows, but suddenly a light fell on this place, someone sent a searchlight there and I saw them! It was an overwhelming sensation!
When you seek love, it loses its power. Because the meaning of love is a gift. They give you. Just like that, no way. Despite all your imperfections. And when you prove that you are worthy … as if you are setting a price for yourself. Take me, I will work, I deserve, I will do what I need …
Love contains great healing power.
But only when it is really a gift, and not bargaining.
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