2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Such a mother can be compared to the sun, which built its own universe, and children are the planets that revolve around her. The attitude of such a mother towards children is self-centered and superficial, she is not able to be receptive, since she suffers from a serious deficit of empathy. She controls the children, but her control is not as open as that of the controlling mother. She is supportive of those children who give her the opportunity to look in a good light, and those children who do not do this are punished by humiliating them.
Such a mother uses any means to exalt herself with the help of a child. The most important thing for her is the opinion of others, and not the feelings and true desires of the child. Such a mother devalues the thoughts, feelings and desires of the child - especially if they do not coincide with her own.
Veronica, 41 years old *. “She (mother - author) said all the time and sometimes continues to do it now that she is a real woman, and I am not. Her favorite song is that I am stupid and ugly, I have no taste and my husband is a real pervert, if he married me, she always hints to me that my husband is either "gay" or is cheating on me."
Svetlana, 37 years old. “My mother always took me out so that I would amuse the guests, she was very proud that I started reading early, knew a lot of poetry and played the piano. When the guests left, she changed dramatically in relation to me. She said that I smile a little and do not kiss her in the presence of people. To be happy, to say "mommy", to be a dog with a bow - these are my main tasks. In relation to dogs, the mother also. She doesn't like them. I know how she bathes them, gets angry and screams, she can hit, but in public she is charming."
Boris, 52 years old. “The sister always tried to earn her mother's love. I tried with all my might to be good for her. All the time she collected money to buy her a gift. I, too, was like that until adolescence, but then she (mother - author) became disgusting to me. I lived my life, no longer trying to earn her love. I remember her birthday, when I gave her three chrysanthemums, and my sister a large bouquet of roses. She humiliated me all day, and my sister was happy, she served her mother. Now the same thing, my sister will improve and improve the mother's grave, erected a pretentious monument, planted many flowers, such are the graves of some famous actresses. It's useless to talk to her, she is very frightened, she immediately tells me to shut up. I remind her that she was unable to arrange her personal life because of her mother, but she pauses and turns away."
Such mothers attach great importance to how they look in the eyes of others, and children are constantly pressured to succeed and shine, being in fact a shining showcase of what an amazing mother they have.
The most cruel and psychologically meaningful lesson that the self-centered mother teaches is that attention must be won, it cannot be received just like that or without any conditions.
The attention of such mothers is focused on external success, and therefore, it makes no sense to talk to them about the soulfulness or good character traits of a person - their children often become careerists, as this allows them to take a advantageous position in the mother's orbit. But all their accomplishments do not fill the void inside them left by the mother's insensitivity.
Typical consequences:
- Detachment from one's own feelings and thoughts and problems with their awareness.
- Lack of true self-esteem, an excessive need for evaluations and recognition from the outside.
- Lack of a sense of psychological well-being with the inability to understand the reasons for this, since the situation is perceived as the norm.
- Difficulty establishing close relationships.
- Feeling lonely and lost, the reasons for which are inexplicable.
- Attraction to people with narcissistic characteristics.
* Reproduced with permission from customers (names have been changed)
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