What If He (a) Cheats On Me, Or Is Jealousy Good Or Bad?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

What are the causes of jealousy? Is jealousy good or bad? How to take this feeling?

Jealousy cannot be attributed to any one category of "good" or "bad", it should be taken for granted. This feeling, like any other, arises and disappears. However, it is imperative to understand the sources of agonizing doubts. At the heart of jealousy is always a weak ego, identity, lack of confidence in oneself and the future and, as a result, “pathological” dependence on another person. However, if a person has a strong enough identity, this does not mean at all that she will not be susceptible to fits of jealousy. Any of us can master a state of passion and violent mental reactions (regardless of the course of therapy passed), during which consciousness and the ability to think soundly narrow, a person ceases to control his actions. The only difference between a psychotherapist and an ordinary person in this case is that the therapist always understands the true roots of jealousy.

To understand the nature of jealousy and zones of sensitivity, you first need to understand the causes of its occurrence. So what might be at the root of jealousy?

1. From fears - fear of rejection, rejection, fear of being abandoned, being left alone without a partner, fear of loneliness.
2. Needs (for attention, care, closer intimate relationships, mutual understanding, spending time together, etc.).
3. An unconscious desire to cheat on a partner or end a relationship. In this case, a person believes that he loves and is afraid of losing his partner, but at the same time there is a deep fear of intimacy and relationships, spiritual comfort is achieved only in solitude. Why does it feel like this? In childhood, a person may have developed an anxious, anxious-avoidant, or disorganized model of attachment to the mother's figure or other subjects of attachment. In adulthood, the pattern of behavior will be reproduced.

“I will be in a relationship with a partner, but I will be anxious as he leaves. My mother also left me. In such situations, every mother's departure (to work, on business, etc.) at an early age could be perceived by the child as a departure from him (“I was abandoned”). Accordingly, the reaction to the departure of a partner to work, a trip on a business trip will also be alarming.

4. Accumulated grievances, dissatisfaction in relationships. As a result, rather contradictory feelings arise - unconscious anger towards a partner gradually accumulates, but you do not want to be angry with a loved one, then jealousy becomes a reason for a kind of revenge (to hurt for all the grievances experienced; this method is chosen by those people who have an unconscious or conscious attitude the fact that the partner is obliged to make them happy) or psychological relaxation (the tension is so unbearable that it is simply necessary to throw off this burden - it will become easier for me, and let him (her) suffer).

Understanding the reasons for jealousy is the first step to understanding your “I”, attitude towards your partner. After analyzing the source of the problem, you can understand what needs to be done next. In any case, it is necessary to realize that a catastrophe will not happen, so it is worthwhile to assess the situation and the resources that can be relied on if suspicions are justified.