2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
One person taught me this thought, the second clearly fixed it at the behavioral level …
All psychologists are well aware that we contact and interact with our own projections of the environment. Objective reality is as irrefutable as unprovable. This means that often we do not interact with a person, but with his image in our head. Do you feel the difference?
An easy example of projection: if I am anxious, I will assume that everyone is trying to hurt me, to awaken my anxiety. People will interact with us in their usual way, but we will only calculate and isolate the unconscious signals alarming signals. We will pay attention to this and worry more and more. Projection can be calculated precisely through the universality of the illusion: we feel a negative or positive impact from the entire environment, as if everyone in the world conspired to be one or another. As you can imagine, projection, like any other psychological defense, can be turned to your advantage. But not yet about that.
There is a certain possibility that absolutely everything that our interlocutor consists of is a set of our own projections. Nevertheless, wanting to touch each other on a personal level, choosing to know the other, we choose to cast off our own illusions about the other, and find out what he himself prefers to represent to the world around him as his image. Find out in fact what the other wants, and not pretend for him, based on his own vision and understanding of "how it should be." We are alike, of course, but each has so much “as it should be” that the profession of a psychotherapist is still relevant.
Unraveling illusions about each other is a complex mechanism of interaction that is fraught with many mutual mistakes. And yet, without this it is impossible to know either true friendship or true love. It is impossible to know true closeness. It is impossible to come close to understanding the Real Other. The process of true mutual learning, once started, can sometimes turn into a breakup for two main reasons:
- I’m not ready to get to know another. I like the image of him, which I have already cognized, but the Other does not want to be within the framework of this image;
- I'm not ready to learn about something else. I am not ready and / or willing to interact with this.
The disintegration in these cases can be carried out, but it is always inevitable. Couples' psychotherapy (married or not) partly consists of mutual adaptation and joining of new images of each other.
But what is the main idea that the two people from the first sentence have fixed in me? The process of knowing another begins with a mutual agreement on the “simplest” concepts. The “simplest” ones are in quotation marks, because right now try to guess the word “apple” with any chosen person, then write down or draw your answers and show each other. How does it look like? Needless to say about such complex things as the same love, friendship, trust … Concepts, the definition of which you yourself are unlikely to give. These are multidimensional constructions, the discovery and cognition of which, perhaps, takes a whole life. In addition, we must not forget that everything is dynamic inside a person himself, he changes and renews every moment of his existence, his apple will be red today, and green tomorrow … The nuances on which the construct of relations is built.
What do we even know about each other?
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