How To Deal With A Breakup When You Were Dumped?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

What does a person actually feel after parting with a loved one / oh /, provided that he, as they say, was abandoned. Of course, resentment, misunderstanding of the situation and the reasons that led to it, and, quite sincerely, anger, anger. Subsequently, in most cases, it all boils down to the fact that a person begins to feel guilty. And the very moment comes when a person begins to get hung up and get stuck in this feeling, like a bee in syrup. All thoughts go in a circle, a person tries to imagine how he could behave in these conditions in order to prevent a break in relations. In a word, he is worried. The word experience has a deep meaning, it is, first of all, living the situation again, that is, repetition. Often, it happens that a person, not finding possible options for change, scrolls the situation over and over again without changing anything, automatically. In such cases, he again and again spends his energy on those unpleasant feelings for him that he has already experienced in the past. Thus, a person increases and "feeds" his sense of guilt, sometimes it can reach the point that a person thinks that he is completely helpless or powerless … This is extremely dangerous feeling which is perceived by a person especially hard.

Meanwhile, the feeling of guilt that a person experiences also has anger in its beginning. It is anger at oneself for the fact that at some point there was not enough courage or strength to say or do something important. Anger is one of the emotions that is forbidden in society and, accordingly, it is not accepted to express it, to put it mildly. People often try to hide it deeper, in the case of a breakup it can be expensive. Remember, after all, one of the ways to cope with the problem of breaking up relations in society is alcohol, under its influence, due to its chemical composition, experiences do not go away, but are more easily tolerated. Another moment is when, under the influence of alcohol, a person's internal prohibition on the manifestation of anger is lifted, for example, hysteria and crying, or when people beat their fists against a concrete wall. But this, of course, is not a solution to the problem. You can get rid of those emotions that are stuck without resorting to intoxicants, it can be any kind of activity, from writing poetry, sports to work. The difficulty is that sometimes a person does not even want to try some method, by the way, the poems can be very different.

Worries about the loss of relationships in society have been elevated to the rank of almost sacred action. Films, literature, songs on this subject are extremely popular. In my opinion, in this way, a template is formed for perceiving the very fact of a break in relations as a “legalized” and approved form of self-destruction. It is interesting that if a person is not worried about this, then they begin to treat him with some misunderstanding. "Man must be very worriedotherwise he is a soulless brute. " - a replica of one of the participants in my seminar. Why it is necessary to suffer and to whom a person owes this is a mystery to me. But if you think about it, then any situation in life is just a lesson that should be learned and not repeat the same mistakes. The costs of emotional energy spent on unnecessary experiences are enormous. But people are still not robots and will always worry, the question is how to make this process less painful and more short-term.

First of all, we must admit the fact that feelings and feelings of guilt are nothing more than a war with oneself. And to fight with the one who is closest is at least stupid. You have to accept and love yourself, on the grounds that you are in a single copy, there is no spare. Any person is an egoist, in the good sense of the word, but some for some reason do not want to admit it, but in vain. When a person internally accepts and loves himself, he begins to relate to others with the same feelings.

To reduce the intensity of emotions, I usually advise my clients to remember not the ideal picture of the relationship that was, but the real one, because not everything in life is pleasant and smooth, a breakup situation is stressful, and in this state people tend to idealize the past. This is not always easy to do, but the result is 98% of the time. A big problem is that people who are busy and in control of themselves during the day, at night are faced with the fact that they begin to remember what happened again, in this case, you can do the following to say to yourself “Stop, I understand,” of course, it is not possible to stop the flow of thoughts right away, but however, over time, a person can learn to do this. Another technique that can be applied in such a situation is "Praise"

Make the following statements to yourself, about guilt for what happened, with a sense of admiration, try to be as convincing as possible:

1. Wow, wow, what a feeling! Blimey!

2. I created this feeling! Itself/!

3. May this feeling be with me always!

4. After all, I did it / a /!

5. You can go crazy, what wealth do I have inside?

The feeling will most likely go away, but it will return after a while, this is a technique of quick pain relief, you can apply it constantly and then the effect will be better. If a person is experiencing a break in relations very strongly, then, of course, help and the participation of a specialist are needed.

The main and most significant still remains the person himself and his attitude to himself, first of all.

Live with joy!

Anton Chernykh