Separation With Mom

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

I communicate with moms and children. I am faced with the pain of misunderstanding. I see different feelings. But I have never met indifference between them.

Now there is a lot of talk about the separation of children from their parents. Sometimes it is advised to take and end the relationship. On the one hand, this is a way out of a situation when a child, already an adult, cannot be given independence. First, separation from mom, then building your own boundaries, strengthening yourself as a person, and then you can establish an attitude. On the other hand, do we, as children, know how to build relationships with parents?

What does the mother feel when the child says with his actions “I don’t need you”? She's in pain. Many mothers devote their lives to their families. They want to give the child all the best. And they do it taking into account knowledge, opportunities, circumstances. Who teaches them to be mothers? - ancestors and we, their children. If you ask your parents if they knew what the consequences of some of their phrases or actions would be; if they knew how something affected you, the answer is no. A woman, more often than not, wants to be a good mother for her child. Is it good for her? Not always.

One day a friend of my mother said: "mothers should learn the love language of their children." Then I thought from the perspective of a child, and I was not thinking about why mothers do not do this. And today I believe that children also need to learn the language of parents' love. What is behind their words and actions? What is love for a child for them? How does it manifest itself? Do you know what makes your mom feel needed?

We have our own list of wishes and requirements for moms, and they have their own. The desire of parents to have successful children who obey them is absolutely normal. It is difficult for them when they face reality and understand that their children are not what they dreamed of. Of course, by virtue of their authority, they influence us. Children don't always have the same effect on their parents. Therefore, the forces are not equal. However, we are united in the fact that we want to be the best (each in his own category), we seek attention and love, we strive to realize dreams and desires in relation to each other, and we want to have a warm relationship. As a result, we separate.

Here's an exercise for you. Write a list. Write until there are no more ideas inside. It may take a few days.

1. My mom had to…. (we write about childhood and youth).
2. My mom should … (writing about today).

Now think about your mother's life, about the circumstances, could she have done it? Try to apply the list to yourself, taking into account your life, do you want it for yourself?

For moms, everything is simple: "my child should …".

And finally. Mom, as soon as your child is born, he is already a different person from you. This is the first separation. The first step is a step into independence that will lead him to his own life. Your task is to help, but not make you live the way you want. Better find a way to be interesting to your child. For children: When separating, understand the needs of the parents as well.