2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
How often have you caught yourself in words or thoughts that you simply have no other choice? Did you really not have it? Usually, when we say that we have no choice, we mean that we do not have such a choice that would suit us. It is in this hidden part that the possibilities are hidden. That is, if we understand what does not suit us in this choice, we will be able to find the options that satisfy us the most
People who find it easy to make choices are unlikely to read this article. Because my goal here is to reveal the main difficulties associated with the choice.
So where do the roots grow from? Why do some people perfectly manage to choose easily and confidently, while for others it is like a terrible torture?
The ability to choose is formed between the ages of 2 and 4. This is where the basic foundation of this ability is laid. At this age, the child is constantly involved in violent motor activities: running, jumping, pushing, hitting, etc. This stage is the time of learning to control and make elections. He studies whether he can feel loved and respected, and whether those he opposes continue to love him.
In Russian literature, this is called a crisis of 3 years. At this time, the child becomes stubborn, capricious. He insists on his own and is stubborn, if his choice is not supported, arranges tantrums. If, in most situations, parents suppress the manifestation of persistence and assertion of their choice, then a pattern of behavior will be formed in which the child will refuse the opportunity to make choices in order to be pleasant and useful to other people.
With the wrong development, we have two main strategies:
1. Difficulties in the planning and implementation of elections associated with a lack of awareness of the consequences;
2. Actions according to vaguely formed plans, rules and rituals.
It is difficult for a child to change anything about these patterns of behavior without the help of an adult. You can teach a child to choose. It is enough at this age not to suppress the will and choice of the child, and at the same time maintain your position on significant issues. For example, a child wants something sweet and has not yet eaten. An adult might say, “I love that you insist on your own. This is great! But you will get sweets after the main meal. It is also good to tell the child about the consequences of his choices and preferably in his language. Make small plans together - for the day, plan the weekend and, if possible, stick to them.
An adult, understanding what his problem is, can change himself.
To develop the ability to choose, you should adhere to the following points, for each of which you can find a lot of tools:
1) Write down your goals
When you know what you want to achieve, it will be easier for you to make a choice. What is worth paying attention to here. Do the goals make you real or ideal? If perfect, then whose idea is it? Yours, parents, society? If a displacement has occurred and a person spends energy on translating into life the ideal image of himself, then by doing so he wastes the potential that he really has. You can get to know yourself real by answering the questions: my abilities, my skills, my potential? Setting goals, evaluating them, abandoning them, changing them for others, modifying them is the right of any person. Lack of energy, lack of energy, lack of motivation can be signs of squandering your potential for other purposes.
2) Make an inventory of the consequences
This can be done in the simplest way, for example, by writing down the pros and cons of each alternative on a piece of paper.
Also a simple and good method is Descartes' square.
The method involves dividing the page into 4 parts, each of which must be titled with a specific question:
1. What happens if this happens?
2. What happens if this does NOT happen?
3. What will NOT happen if this happens?
4. What does NOT happen if it does NOT happen?
It is better to answer these questions in writing. In each square, you need to write at least 4-5 answers. And you can also involve people who are related to this for discussion.
This method will allow you to understand visually what consequences the alternatives can bring and how much one option is more acceptable to you than the other.
3) Get into the habit of planning
You can start small. For example, write down plans for the month and significant days.
Setting priorities and highlighting the main result of the day, month, year, life helps not to get bogged down in the hustle and bustle of everyday affairs. Values and goals help you prioritize. Asking the question "what goal and / or value am I realizing by this action, deed?" Give a rank to each item in your plan, for example on a 10-point scale. So you can evaluate which point is the main one in the plan.
Remember - for a quality choice you need a pause and invest yourself. Therefore, you need to allocate time for planning, and not do it on the run and in a hurry.
4) Realize your values
Your values will help you prioritize and weigh the cost.
For example, let's say you are choosing a job. If you realize that the realization of your abilities, freedom and material well-being are important for you, then work with strict rules, internal regulations and a small salary you will consider as the last thing and in extreme scenarios.
Several ways to realize your values:
1. Recall several important life events. Write down what is important to you about them. What values can you highlight.
2. Analyze how much money and where are you spending? What values are you funding?
3. Write approximately how much time you spend per month on your usual activities. What values do you invest your time in?
4. Write the people who are most important to you. Describe what connects you. Write meaningful conflicts. What values do you implement or defend in your relationship?
Everything is possible in life, just not at the same time.
To see the possibilities of their choices and actions, allows the awareness of their internal and external limitations. I wish you a clear mind.
With love, Alina Kotenko.
Recommended:
Ability To Say No, Boundaries
I CAN SAY NO, CAN YOU? You know, my dears, for me the ability to say “no” is one of the surest signs of a healthy human psyche. I do not take egoists and “consumers” as an example (they have the other extreme). After all, it is the ability to refuse that speaks of the adequate boundaries of a person.
ABILITY THERAPY. THE INJURY OF THE ABANDONED. INJURY OF THE THROWER
Abandonment - for us, this is the feeling of a person with whom we have unilaterally stopped communicating. At the same time, the one who quit did not allow the separation procedure to take place. He simply disappeared. He did not say: “You were important to me,” or “It was too difficult for me to be with you,” he did not thank, did not express any feelings, no attitude, but simply got out of contact.
Ability To Love
One of the most important personal resources of a person is his ability to love, which is felt as a constantly present factor inside a person. Abraham Maslow identifies two types of love with which a person gets acquainted during his life:
Who Or What Influences The Choice Of A Partner? Relationships: Why Do We Choose Who We Choose?
Relationships: why do we choose who we choose? “We choose, we are chosen, How often it does not coincide … " Sometimes this not only does not coincide, but causes us pain and suffering, and then - a feeling of devastation, resentment, contempt, a bunch of all kinds of complexes and much more, which has an extremely destructive effect on us and, alas, on our relations with future partners.
How We Choose Not To Choose
"How we choose not to choose" Not all choices in our life can be considered free. Sometimes we choose based not on our feelings, but on rules, beliefs, or habits. Most often, a person's beliefs are formed based on personal experience, but this is not always the case.
