2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
How to deal with polar feelings towards one person?
A lot of our feelings are always involved in important relationships in life. And everything is fine if these are the same type of feelings - love, tenderness, recognition, gratitude. In a relationship, everything is simple if we only have those feelings that are attracted to the other person. And even if feelings only repel, everything is also simple. This is clear to us, at least. I love - I am friends, I do not like - I do not communicate. Relationships are built or not built in such cases.
Difficulties arise when there are those and other feelings at the same time.
Ambivalent feelings for one person are not uncommon. And it often happens that we love and hate at the same time, we want to see and do not want to see, we get angry and feel tenderness. These cocktails cause the most questions and the most confusion. This polarity often becomes a request for psychotherapy.
You need to decide something with the person and the relationship, - they say in such cases. And how to decide if it is not clear whether you love or hate?
If this happened in your life, ask yourself a question - is it important for you to communicate with this person, or not? If it is important if you do not force yourself when communicating with this person, if you do not force yourself, as is often the case when we communicate with relatives who are not close to us, then it makes sense to make some effort to establish communication.
In this case, these efforts are not volitional
There are feelings that lie on the surface. If you feel disgust for a person, for example, then it cannot be just disgust. Obviously, besides him, there are other, no less powerful, feelings. It can be tenderness, gratitude, warmth, fear.
The power of any one feeling is strong when you do not notice the other feelings
But when you answer the question of whether you want to truly communicate with the person, whether it is important for you that the person remains in your life, other feelings will manifest.
And then the picture will become clearer. As soon as you see something else, in addition to what you already see, you will also find out how to become free in your feelings for a person. If you are disgusted, you will become more free with this feeling. This will not rid you of it, ambivalence will remain to some extent. But realizing that there is both love and disgust in this relationship will make it easier for you to deal with it.
Disgust is useful - it makes us alive, marks boundaries in contact, and prevents poisoning. Fears are also needed. All the feelings that can be needed are needed. And if you accept all of them in a relationship with another person, this does not necessarily have to destroy that relationship. This will make them more free.
Disgust is a reaction to excessive contact. If so, it makes sense to build boundaries. If you feel fear, a feeling of tenderness and gratitude towards the same person - give all these feelings the opportunity to live.
This whole cocktail is a subject for conversation. In one case, about building boundaries, in the second - about dosing reactions, in the third - about values, in the fourth - about how valuable it is for you to be with a person. If you allow all feelings to unfold in contact and start saying that you do not like where you are different, how you differ and build new boundaries, most likely, the ambivalence of feelings will lower its degree and some one feeling will come out as a basis. And this will be the answer to the question “what to do”. Only this answer will sound - as you do with this.
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