Why Is It One Step From Love To Hate?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Still an interesting thing, this love. A great and bright feeling, capable of inspiring, has its polar side - hatred. We can love a person very much, and after a while we hate him with every fiber of our soul. Have you ever wondered why this happens? I decided to research this topic on myself, my relatives and clients in order to understand the systematic nature of the mechanism of turning love into hate.

Why and how are these two processes started?

Why are they so closely related to each other?

And you know, everything turned out to be incredibly simple.

Resource of love and resource of hate

I am not only a practicing psychologist-therapist, but also a numerologist. Already by the date of birth, I can understand what the life of a certain person revolves around, what resources he has, what tasks he faces, why certain scenarios are repeated, why certain reactions emerge and various states arise. So one of the resources can be love.

But if there is love, hatred is necessarily attached to it. Whether you like it or not, you know about it or not. And it can work for you or against you, destroying you or helping you along the path of life. If your life map contains the theme of "love", then you will have to work not only with it, but also with the tail that it drags with it - "hatred".

There are times when the one whom we love so much, who is so important to us, hurts us (by words, actions). And then, as they say, "the soul is torn to pieces." And that's when hatred is activated. It may seem that hatred, and with it anger, is a cure for pain, but this is not entirely true. Pain is only supplanted by hatred, but it does not disappear anywhere, but accumulates in the unconscious. Anger appears in order to help a person protect himself and his boundaries.

What happens when you don't want to love anymore?

Sometime a moment may come when a person decides to give up such a feeling as love altogether, so as not to experience pain and hatred. In general, he never wants to love again, in every possible way avoids the onset of attachment, since this is painful and, therefore, unsafe. But by closing ourselves off from pain and hatred, we close ourselves off from love itself and other quite pleasant feelings and emotions. By completely closing the door of our soul to romantic feelings, we do not let them out and do not accept them from others, leaving them in our unconscious.

We think, we are aware, but we do not feel (“we live with our head, not our heart”). And this may well lead to alexithymia (difficulty in understanding one's own emotions and the emotions of those around them). In addition, the suppression of feelings (both positive and negative) can also lead to psychosomatics, when not only the psyche, but also the body begins to hurt.

Common hate scenarios

You can accept the pain and move on - feel, love, enjoy the relationship. But not everything is so smooth. Life experience, which has got a lump on the forehead, does not give. And then the process of withdrawal begins (abruptly or gradually). A person stops trusting people and the whole world in general. He is disappointed, loses harmony in life, hope for a bright future.

And there are times when a person chooses the path of hatred, he is completely immersed in this destructive feeling and even begins to get comfort from it, because it instills in him a sense of security: "I hate, so I am invulnerable." But this scenario leads to the asocialization of the personality, complete loneliness and powerlessness to change something. And then (albeit not immediately, but surely later, when the satiety of hatred comes) begins crying into the pillow at night from the feeling of rejection and uselessness.

There is another variant of the scenario in which a person "crushes" the rising hatred in himself by all means. There are various reasons why you can not allow yourself to be hated. For example, as a child, mom or dad said that it was a bad feeling, that it was embarrassing to hate and show anger. Or there was some other example shown by loved ones and loved ones. And this attitude, the pattern of behavior "be kind, even if you were treated with evil" from those childhood times settled in our unconscious.

Maybe it happened the other way around - in childhood you faced a cruel attitude of people towards yourself, another person or even an animal and adopted such a life strategy for yourself that you will never become like that, under no circumstances, that you will still love and take care of those around you. So it turns out that people hurt us, but we still continue to love them, forgive, look for excuses for them.

How not to fall into the extremes of love and hate?

And a complete rejection of hatred in favor of absolute love, and hatred as a permanent state of mind are extremes that are not capable of bringing us anything good. In the first case, we allow others to use us, "sit" on our neck, do us as badly as we like (we all "eat"). In the second case, we deprive ourselves of happiness, doom ourselves to loneliness and the inability to build some kind of relationship.

As I already said, the negative life experience we have accumulated, and the patterns of parental behavior, and birth trauma - all this is deeply embedded in our unconscious (personal or collective). And this determines the repetition of scenarios that may not suit us or that seem to suit us, but do not give true happiness, comfort, harmony. Therefore, in my practice I work with the unconscious of clients.

So how can you learn to take off and not fall? For all three options discussed above (who already feel nothing, who chose the path of hatred, who despite everything remains kind and loving - "the syndrome of the holy man") there is one universal recipe for happiness. Just allow yourself to feel. And it doesn't matter whether it is love or hate, pain or suffering. You feel, then you exist.

Live your way, accept all its black and white stripes, because in the absence of such a contrast, all the priceless fullness of life will not be felt. When you feel bad, find the "source" of this feeling in the body, be aware of it, acknowledge it, because it is a part of you. When you acknowledge hatred (pain, anger), that is, when it ceases to be "forbidden", this negative feeling goes away by itself.

Those who hate everyone and everything, look for love inside yourself, it will certainly be in you, because it was she who drew hatred along with it. Only love is hidden very deeply. But if you try, you can find it. And if hatred and anger happen systematically (people give you pain, you hate them, and such life scenarios repeat themselves, preventing you from "floating" out of the sea of hatred on your own), then I am waiting for you at my place for joint therapeutic work.

Love and be loved!