2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
I looked into her huge blue eyes and they reminded me of the sky in glasses. The naughty chestnut curls lay a little carelessly and from this some kind of lightness hovered in the office. I don't know if she was flawlessly beautiful, but she was interesting. And in the depths of my soul - unhappy
She was a clever girl in the broad socially approved sense of the word and a failure in the narrow sense, that is, by her deep conviction. She was smart because she ran long distances, constantly improving the result, worked, receiving good reviews from employees and management. She even worked for five years in a large foreign company, not only for the future and results, but also because she liked it.
She was a "loser" because she could not weigh 47, as in the already distant sixteen. And also because nature has not awarded her a "better" physique in general and individual forms in particular. And also because she was not good enough and supportive for her husband, reliable and always successful for her boss, successful and versatile enough for her parents, always cold and calculating for a number of subordinates. Before marriage, she was "not very" because there was no husband. And before work she was "so-so" because there was no work. I hope you catch the trend.
I looked and it was difficult for me to believe what my ears were hearing. Because the eyes saw an inquiring mind and a constant striving for new and interesting things. I saw purposeful eyes, not always ready to accept refusal. I heard the beating of my heart, which was so much afraid of being rejected for "not conforming", which in turn made me move even faster along the road of life. I saw femininity hidden in trembling fear, looking for an opportunity to take a full breath. And I saw a strong young girl who could laugh cockily until dawn if she felt “good enough” for that.
But we looked at her differently. She looked at herself and did not know that being good was not at all necessary. Because she could just remain herself.
She clung to the images she liked with both hands and whenever possible. She tried to make them a foundation on which to build her own walls. She formed crossbeams from them, on which the roof and chimney could be held. In this construction, she always reached certain heights and was almost ready to believe in her own strength. But each time she fell deeply and painfully hit the stone slabs of her own reality, when she could not fit into the beautiful images completely and completely.
She did not know that neither the necessary weight, nor a new job would make her more complete or even more clever. She grabbed the water with her hands in search of answers outside and could not find the strength to believe that all the answers were inside.
All she needed was to straighten her shoulders. Not even to straighten, but simply to understand that she has the right to do so. Realize, get used to this thought. With its capabilities and consequences. And, having realized, choose who she wants to remain. That was all that was needed and it was not easy. But over time, it became possible
Do not stop:)
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