Advice Not Asked For

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Once at the institute, I forgot my notebook in the audience. Then I studied at the first higher education at the Polytechnic. When I remembered about him, he was no longer in the audience. Just in case, she clarified at the checkpoint at the watchman and (lo and behold!) - she had the notebook. Among other entries, on one of the pages was a short sketch for a fantasy story (which I wrote at my leisure). The character of the sketch was a certain creature - a cross between a brownie with a woodman. And this something was called by analogy - a ladder. From "forest" and "brownie". Having scrolled through the notebook, I discovered that a certain "virtue" who found the notebook, apparently deciding to show off his erudition and make me understand absolutely not literate, was not too lazy to correct "e" with "and" in every word. Moreover, he was not even embarrassed by the fact that his hypothetical fox walks on its hind legs and generally behaves indecently not like an animal. In every word! In a text on two pages!

Was it not pleasant for me? Yes, I was not pleased. How can I describe my feelings at that moment. At first there was indignation. Someone invaded my inner world, hidden on the page, and not only looked, but trampled on with dirty feet. Then anger came. Not just trampled on - but also left in full and holy conviction that he had done me well! Then disappointment came. After all, somewhere this person sits and thinks - "there are stupid people who do not know how to spell the word fox!" Or even tells someone about it. Such: “Imagine, I found a notebook here. Think about it, a person is trying to write stories, but the illiterate himself is like a first grader! " And I can't even get satisfaction, having told him - “have you even got a grasp of the essence? Well, what the hell is a fox ?? Is your fantasy completely tight? " And then calmness came. (honestly - much later.) Because - I will correct my text back. And this someone, somewhere out there, will remain to live in the world of strange Chernobyl upright foxes and their holy righteousness, and sooner or later, they will get burned when trying to "do good" to someone who did not ask him about it. And even with imagination, he is bad and will hardly get better. Here…

I remembered all this recently when I read on the social network the impressions of a friend who went to study in America for a year. Her happiness comes from the feeling of a lack of social pressure and the attempts of left-wing people to teach life. And I thought - how difficult it is for us to live with this! Our constantly internal "what people will say" does not allow us to breathe freely. And the most annoying thing is that these are not just words! People still say! With or without reason, familiar and completely strangers, with an intelligent face, with a peremptory tone. You will always be easily and readily told why you should or should not eat meat, breastfeed or believe a specific politician! When you walk down the street with a stroller, a compassionate aunt will surely catch up with you, jump out across the road like a devil out of a snuffbox and joyfully announce that the child's hands are frozen and an urgent need to put mittens on him! And joyful, with a sense of accomplishment, will run away into the sunset before you have time to mumble something about the fact that your persistent and very stubborn child takes off his mittens about three times faster than it takes you to pull them over it.

Where does this holy confidence in our people come from that someone is interested in their opinion? Especially a stranger? Yes, even a loved one, but in a situation where he did not ask for advice?

I am sure, reading this, almost everyone will think - and the truth, what stupidity, so I would never … And most likely will be wrong. Because it happens so fleetingly and naturally that the “giver” very rarely notices this fact, and the “gifted” just rarely understands what irritates him? It's just that a certain background of social opinion is created in which we all live, function and try not to stand out and not run up. And only having escaped from this background physically, we feel that a colossal load has disappeared from our shoulders. And suddenly, with surprise, we realize that without trying to teach others and without trying to justify other people's expectations, we begin to live OWN real life, not imprisoned for anyone.

Well, what should those who cannot physically break out of the background do? You can create your own background around yourself, with the main rule - do not touch me, and I will not touch you. For some reason, many people have a link between advice and support in their heads. A person is afraid to put in place people who do not meddle in their own business, so as not to be left without moral support. But don't be confused. These are two radically different approaches. Support and, if necessary, help with deeds is one thing. And to fit in with your "here I would be in your place …" or "when I have it last year, then …" is quite another. If someone is bad and you really, really want to do him good - just ask "how can I help you?" Maybe he just needs you to sit next to him. Silently. Or they brought a box of Raffaello. Or they just listened without interrupting. Do this and they will start to treat you the same way. Become a little bit of a psychologist - who never gives advice, but only helps a person find their right decision on their own. Maybe if everyone starts with himself, then sooner or later, it will become much easier for all of us to live in our too responsible society.