Advice. To Give Or Not?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Erich Fromm said: "As soon as a person is born, he finds himself on a ready-made stage."

What is this scene? I will share my thoughts.

I call it the introductory data of life. What we get at birth. These are parents, family, society, country. I also include here the historical-time period and economic conditions. To this are added upbringing, abilities, temperament, character, perception, type of response to certain events.

All this together gives us a stage on which we build our lives. However, I will talk about the scene indirectly. Today I am writing about advice. "Requested" and "uninvited".

Few have ever given advice to others. Often we try to help our friends and relatives, suggest something, recommend, advise. Some do it more successfully, others less, and still others do it completely out of place. There are also those who will always "go in with their advice", and those who will say when asked (there are not so many of them), and those who are somewhere in the middle.

Bad advice can cause anger, aggression, irritation. A person feels lonely, misunderstood, rejected in some way. The most interesting thing is that both sides are dissatisfied: the advisor and his interlocutor. One sincerely thinks that he will help, and tries to succeed as much as possible. And the other is imposed on something that does not suit him (he feels this way). An advisor invests strength, and then empties when he hears “no, this does not suit me,” or when he realizes that his recommendations were not used. His interlocutor does not always know how to say “no” and may feel guilty for the fact that “they tried so hard for him,” but he cannot take advice. Moreover, both do not want to offend each other, so internal tension may also arise.

Before giving advice, consider whether you know the "scene" your interviewee is in. Can you help him regarding his life, feelings, worldview?

Consider if you can be an expert in someone's life?

Is everything in your life on a 10 (on a 10-point scale). The latter is very significant, since we cannot always help ourselves, knowing, at the same time, our "scene".

Also, consider whether you are following your own advice.

If you want to take part in a particular situation, try instead of advice, ask "how can I help you." - And just hear what the person has. Hear it, not your outlook on life. It is also important to learn to accept people with who they are, since what is easy for one is difficult for another. However, this is the beauty of relationships. Somewhere our scenes coincide, and somewhere they diverge. In the first case, there is complete mutual understanding, and in the second, there is a total divergence of views.

Try to take into account the scene of life in which the person dear to you is.

And if you are someone who is often advised to do something, take a look at the inputs to your life. Tell your interlocutor about them. Thank you for taking care of you! In case of misunderstanding, listen to advice as an opinion that takes place on someone's stage of life.

Love you, understanding and a certain "brake" in the advice.