2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
It doesn't matter where it comes from. Whether psychotherapy, a new environment, a lightning strike, or just development intervened in life, all people change. And gradually the image of the person with whom you connected your life is being transformed. Of course, the easiest way to write off anything new that you find in another person is to blame the other person. This is how conflicts begin, which can be conventionally called mini-crises.
These mini-crises happen very often in family life and it is important to be attentive, because what is it? This is a change, when your usual way of building contact with a person no longer fits. And these changes just need an "adapter" that allows you to adjust. This can happen due to important questions:
- How do I feel about the fact that my partner is a little different today?
- What feelings do I have when I see that my partner has changed? Are there new desires? Can I post this in a relationship?
We always force each other to change in relationships. If we are not deaf and blind. But this is also fraught with parting.
If you are attentive to change, sensitive to yourself and to the other, then you restore balance during mini-crises by changing yourself. And then with each year of marriage, both partners are slightly different. And then in 10 years you will be even happier than in the beginning.
What happens if you ignore the crisis?
You can react with aggression, reproaches, and attempts to change your partner. The worst thing you can do is try and relationship. It is a hopeless, desperate and harmful job. Notice yourself, how you see yourself, how you are ready to change. If you don't, mini-crises turn into an accumulated big crisis, which is often called a crisis of 7-10 years of marriage, when everything that was missed hits all areas of the relationship. When you look at each other and understand that you don't want to live like that anymore.
And this is good
If you have not noticed mini-crises, you cannot fail to notice the big crisis. It will break through. And he will shout to you that you need to change. If you don't change, you will die as a system. But how to change? Likewise, being mindful in yourself. What new feelings, desires, needs do you have? How do you deal with this?
Talking is a luxury. Couples stop talking to each other. And, meanwhile, new understandings, needs and desires that you have noticed can become a subject for such conversations.
If you have experience with small crises, the big crisis will be easier to resolve. But it also happens that there is no turning back. Sometimes it happens that the point of no return has been passed and the best thing to do is to disperse.
To prevent this from happening, ask yourself questions today:
- How has my partner changed over the last year or two or three?
- How do I feel about these changes?
- What reactions and new desires do I have against this background?
- What would I like to say, inform, ask my partner right now, in connection with what I have realized?
And the most important:
- What do I want to give this person today that was not relevant yesterday?
It is very important to move from the “receive” philosophy to the “give” philosophy. From philosophy of scarcity to. Resources to change - in the "what I want to give" field. If you begin to realize this, you will begin to change at a tremendous rate. And remember - psychotherapy is always on your side and on the side of your relationship.
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