2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
We react with emotions to everything that happens to us. Emotion itself is the first quick indicator of any impact, signaling something good or bad.
It would seem that everything is easy and simple. We focus on emotions and don't think about anything. However, where it is simple, there is also difficult.
All people are emotional. We differ from each other in the degree of manifestation of an emotional state, and in what we react to with this or that emotion. Of course, a more impulsive person will show joy or sadness more vividly than a less impulsive person. At the same time, both the one and the other experience the same emotions.
I want to concentrate on the subjective nature of emotions. What am I talking about? As I wrote before, emotion is a reaction. Reaction to actions, words, thoughts, seen, read. The same event, film, phrase can evoke different emotions in two or three people.
For example (a case from practice with the permission of the client), a guy, during the discussion, said to the girl: “you are too receptive, you can't do that”. She got angry and took up a defensive position in the form of an attack. She began to quarrel with him. The emotion of anger is a reaction to words. However, her boyfriend or some other girl perceives these words in a completely different way. I asked her how she felt when she heard this phrase; what she meant to her. In response, she began to say everything that her relatives and friends voiced to her; that she's not like that and she needs to change.
Our life experience lays down certain attitudes in the subconscious. The psyche forms certain protective mechanisms that turn on at the moment of danger. Naturally, since the experience is personal, then the moments of danger are interpreted very subjectively. Therefore, it is very difficult for people to predict each other's reactions. However, we can share our feelings with our loved ones. And here we fall into a little trap for ourselves. It seems to us that having told others about the reason for their own reaction, they will not speak and do hurtful words and actions. And they continue, and it is difficult for us with this.
What's the trap? - we shift responsibility. Our emotions, feelings and sensations are our reactions, and we must learn to deal with them ourselves. If we share our experiences with others, then we invite them to choose whether they can help us. Not always close ones are able to support us in our emotions. They also have a reaction. It is very good to get to such a level of sensitivity of each other so that you can cope with your own reactions by quickly analyzing what is happening with the interlocutor. It is an experience of relationship, understanding and acceptance. And this is not a quick process.
So, we learn the following:
we stop expecting from others the reaction to our emotions and feelings that we want
we analyze the reasons for our own reaction
we take responsibility for our emotions as much as possible
And remember, we cannot forbid a person to feel and experience this or that emotion. We have the right to ask people dear to us not to talk about them. We are also able to help loved ones in their experiences by correcting their behavior.
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