2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
A feeling distorting with anger and choking with bitter resentment.
Envy is like mercury rolled out of a broken thermometer like peas - a toxic, poisonous experience. If you breathe in her vapors and look at your life and those who are nearby, it will reduce your cheekbones with anger and vomit with disgust.
Your life will seem like a senseless series of failures, and you yourself will be a worthless fool, and those close to you will be those who contributed to the fact that you found yourself in such a miserable position.
The kindergarten teacher gently runs her hand through her hair and kisses the chubby boy's blond top of the head, she smiles at him and gives him an apple. Everyone else is sitting and watching this scene. Nobody else has an apple. Bitter resentment and anger. On him, on her. I want to jump up, grab an apple and load it on the forehead.
For the gentle girl Elvira with tanned skin and a solid freckle, her father brought two dolls from abroad. Two soft, pleasantly rubber-smelling dolls. One bobblehead even a negro! And two strollers for them! Two! For what? Why?! Why does she have two dolls and two carriages, but I have none !!!
The toy can still be taken away, hidden and played by itself. Or, as children often do in orphanages - take it away and break it, tear it to shreds, grind it into powder, disassemble the car into bolts so that no one can ever fix it. To neither me nor you. Nobody. If I don’t, then don’t you dare - don’t you dare to have it!
You can take away the doll and appropriate it to yourself … And the children? Why does she have two and I have none?
There are things that cannot be taken away and not appropriated. For example, motherhood or beauty. How can you appropriate the wasp waist, thin wrists, the profile of a Turgenev young lady, slow graceful movements … Or their family happiness. You can still destroy it. But you cannot assign to yourself.
Luck, high intelligence, talent, the ability to work 24 hours a day, organization, being born in another country, in a better family, where everything was on a silver platter and at any time, was given simply by birthright … How to appropriate it? You can try to destroy by doing nasty things, but you can't take it … You can't take it for yourself …
Bitterly. And very, very painful and insulting. You feel deprived, thrown out, abandoned - deep inside, there is a feeling of inferiority, unworthiness of everything normal and good that life gives.
Mom is so warm and approachable, in her own, smelling borscht dressing gown, she suddenly became always busy, irritated, crying. She has this “child” in her arms all the time. Now everyone revolves around him. It's not so easy to meet my eyes with my mother, she is somewhere up there, always busy, always with him …
Now my own mother, my beloved mother is no longer mine. She is the mother of some other child. Yes, and I am no longer a child, I am an "adult".
So, at one point, they deprived both childhood and mother. And who? This vile other child.
Bitter, painful, vicious … hard …
What I need is important, valuable - belongs to someone else
We are not jealous of some nonsense. The fact that we do not need nafig does not cause a keen sense of envy.
Envy is a marker that the other has what I need.
If you find it difficult to find your desires, focus on envy. You will not go wrong. Just clearly find what exactly you envy - family happiness, beautiful hair, long legs or this incredible pile of money. What do you want for yourself?
It is clear that there are people who from birth have a talent or a beautiful voice, or rich caring parents, and someone has to get it all by himself.
And since not everything can be taken away and appropriated (and this method has been prosecuted by law for thousands of years), in order to get what you want, you have to make an effort.
Pay something.
Effort, time, abandonment of something else.
Any achievement - career, happy, smart children, warm family relationships, marriage to a wealthy man, life with a wealthy woman, a sports figure, your own financial independence - is worth a price.
And often we just don't want to pay that price.
And the other person pays that price.
Each of us has our own way to achieve what we want and our fees along the way
Envy, although a vile feeling, accompanied by exhausting mental pain, but it allows you to understand what you so badly need. What you want, what you are missing. For what you are hungry.
The next step is to determine the cost of getting this for you.
And then, perhaps, you will begin your own path to everything that you so desperately lack.
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