2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
A small note on this topic, since recently families that are friendly and happy have often begun to contact, and of course, on the one hand, it is joyful that there are such families, but for some reason something is happening with the children in these families, but not that, for example, children violently fight among themselves, or children have not typical long-term acquired symptoms - stuttering, enuresis, tantrums, heavy weight, etc.
So that's it. Our reality, our life is a consequence of many factors, and the most important thing is what we do with them. What decisions, what actions are we taking. From this we get what we have.
Each family has its own reality, which they have created, and which they voice to the psychologist, for example, we have a friendly and good family. And I don't argue with that. But there is also a reality that I, as a psychologist, see, some aspects, some details. I may not see everything (I am not a psychic), but I, for example, see that one child in the family grows fat over the years, and the other towards him shows aggression, beats on the sly; one child cannot be left without a mother in any place, while the other has stomach problems, and the mother must come to school every day to bring him fresh food and other things.
Ie, what do I see as a psychologist? A good family, but inside it I see there is some kind of relationship context that requires change, and it is this context that forms the symptoms of children. In fact, these symptoms serve as stabilizers so that the family remains whole and continues its life. Who cannot be independent now without a family? Children. And it is vitally important for them to keep the family together. Therefore, even unconsciously, they will do it. If we remove the symptom of a child or children, then the context we are talking about will certainly make itself felt. I mean, for example, take by magic and make the child stop stuttering instantly, have problems at school, get sick, etc. What will parents do? All other things being equal, they no longer need to give so much care to the child and live with his problems, and finally they can devote time to each other. And then it turns out that together for some reason it turns out not interesting, boring, or for some reason we start to swear, or get tired of each other, etc.
Thus, the symptom becomes a stabilizer of some kind of dysfunctional context. Therefore, we can say that while the symptom exists, some or some very important issues for the family are not resolved, no matter how good it is. Any family can be compared to a living organism that needs stability, but also constantly grows and develops. If everything is fine in your family, and the symptom manifests itself, then this indicates that your family needs some kind of internal changes, i.e. your family must reach a new level, and some significant issues requiring changes must be resolved. Otherwise, like any healthy organism, the family starts to get sick, and often these diseases come out through children.
For families who see something similar in their family, I suggest taking a time for each other, not being afraid to be open and sincere (after all, you already have a margin of safety, you see that you are a good family), and discuss how strong and your family has weaknesses. You can take a sheet and divide it not 2 parts, on the one hand write 10 STRENGTHS, on the other hand 10 WEAKNESSES (NOT LESS!). Once you find these contexts and start changing them, the symptoms of the children will start to disappear as well.
If you do not look for them and do not change them, then the symptoms will linger as long as possible in order to save the family. But when children grow up, children go into their lives, and unresolved contexts, gaining strength over the time passed, become a serious test for the family and its integrity.
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