2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
When a child falls ill, parents in almost 100% of cases turn to doctors for treatment. A week or two or a month pass and the disease returns. Doctors and parents talk about "frequently ill children." But what if the cause of the disease does not lie in the weakness of the immune system?
Consider illness on a psychological rather than a physical level. An illness in a child (and an adult too) is a way to get something that cannot be obtained without illness. Suppose a child has a need for attention from his parents, and this need (well, very important and necessary) is not satisfied.
The child first tries to attract attention with his behavior (in most cases, incorrect) and sometimes this method helps. For a while. And then the child gets sick … And the mother, abandoning all her affairs, worries, work, taking sick leave, every hour gives him medicine from a spoon, worries about him, goes to the store for the best fruits and cooks the most delicious broth. And then he sits down to play with him, reads him a book while he lies in bed - so helpless and sick. The child enjoys this care, despite the high fever, runny nose or more serious illness. By the way, about the more serious ones. The more serious a child's illness (and not just a mild cold), the more attention he lacked, and the more attention he subsequently receives from significant people.
The second reason why children get sick is a rigidly built system of attitudes and attitudes of parents. You must definitely go to school, play sports, go to two tutors and three clubs, and also help your mother around the house and carry bags from the store (otherwise you are “lazy, ungrateful, dependent, incapable, untalented”) … For example, parents think that that there can be only one good reason not to go to school - it's illness. Even ailments are not counted. And then the child falls ill in order to receive the cherished right to rest. Disease relieves us of guilt, as in this case we can get rest "deserved". Absurd, isn't it? For the same reason, the fact that the child was too strong in any situation, held on for too long, also applies. The disease makes it possible to feel more relaxed, weak.
The third reason why children often get sick is the rejection of the child's negative emotions, and indeed any emotions in general. When in the family any manifestations of the child are denied. You can't get angry, swear, get annoyed, feel delighted with joy, take offense at your parents. In one word, "you can't show yourself, you can't be." For any manifestation of any emotion by a child, a feeling of guilt comes, and since this destructive feeling is not expressed either, it is directed at itself. In other words, the child punishes himself with the disease for his "right to be." Or mom denies his feelings. The child says that he feels bad, and his mother says to him: "Why do you feel bad, there is no temperature?"
The fourth reason is the refusal to fulfill some parental request, which SHOULD be fulfilled, but due to age, inability, the child cannot do this. It is still necessary to grow up to a request or a demand, so to speak. And you don't always want to recover quickly, since this requirement still has to be fulfilled. And this is where resistance comes in … in the form of illness.
The fifth reason is to balance the family system. It is known that children are “stabilizers” of the family system, and if it fails, they take on all the fire. Imagine a situation where mom and dad want to get a divorce. No persuasion of the child helps to do this. And then he gets sick. Seriously, for a long time and for real. And then the divorce idea will have to be postponed. At least for a while.
The sixth reason is the unconscious attitudes of the parents, which the child carries into his life. When he hears: “You are so weak, not healthy, you often get sick, what can we do with you like that?”, These words are assigned to him, which are firmly embedded in the mind and cause illness every time.
The seventh reason is the child's intrapersonal conflict, which is associated with the attitudes of the parents, more precisely, with their opposite points of view. Dad says: "don't distract me, I'm busy", mom immediately says: "go to dad and ask him about …". The child does not know what to do in this case and who to listen to. Due to his age, it is difficult for him to cope with this situation. And he gets sick.
And finally, the eighth reason is the reaction to any traumatic event. The loss of a loved one, moving to another place, a new kindergarten, a new school can become factors that traumatize the child. The child could witness some event. And this also includes the very traumatic experience received by the child in early childhood or later childhood (4-6 years), when, for example, the parents beat the child, insulted him, etc.
Health to you and your children!
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