2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The other day, while communicating with a client, I heard the phrase "Treat people the way you want them to treat you." Immediately I remembered how I, a 16-year-old, sob on my father's shoulder and say that this phrase is a complete deception, just a terrible deception of the century. I no longer remember what exactly happened the day before, but I can assume that something like - they broke my heart again, did not appreciate it, did not understand, and I, and I treated so well, tried so hard, cared so much.
Then I grew up, learned to be a psychologist and now I know that the above statement is very similar to the protective mechanism of the psyche, which Sylvia Crocker called proflexion. This protective mechanism or mechanism for interrupting the cycle of contact (one of those that just interfere with closing that notorious gestalt) arises when one person does to another what he would like to receive for himself. This protective mechanism of polite people sometimes allows you to get what you want from others … but as if by chance, in such an innocently cunning way.
And it is good when the “rules of the game” are known and accepted by all participants, then the probability of success is higher. For example, in the Victorian era, direct request was considered bad manners. And if, for example, you wanted to drink wine, and the jug was far away and you needed to be handed it over to you, then you first had to ask the other person if he wanted to drink. Wait for his answer: "No, thanks" and the same question in your direction. Only then was it possible to answer “Yes” so that the person to whom you spoke would pass you the jug from the other end of the table. The scheme is not simple, but in those days it was clear to everyone, so it is probably working. Another thing is modernity and freedom of choice according to which rules and norms you should live.
And from the discussions with the client, I clearly emerged (yes, not only clients take something for themselves from our meetings, but also I) my own rule: "Treat yourself the way you want to treat you", and you can just treat people kindly and positively, without trying to get something out of it.
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