2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Do you know what makes us unhappy in a relationship? Confidence in your own infallibility. Absurd, huh? It seems to us that we and only we know how it should be, and this blinding of our own righteousness leads us straight into the abyss. It seems to us that "this" will definitely not happen to us. We will be able to stand up for ourselves, save, re-educate, educate, warm up - emphasize the necessary.
Conventionally, our illusions can be divided into several categories:
1) "This is with the others he is a dragon, and if you love him much, he will turn into a human."
Alas, the dragon will not become human. Welcome to the real world. This does not mean that you cannot live with a dragon or even love it. But only without illusions about his unexpected rejection of his usual way of life. Neither for your sake, nor for the sake of anyone else, the dragon will change. It can be decorated with sparkles and tied into a cart, disguised as a pink pony, but it still won't stop spewing fire. You will not even have time to feel like a victim - you will burn out along with all the superficial tinsel.
2) "I myself will devour whoever you want, let it just rock the boat"
If you initially enter into a relationship with an aggressive message, then you will get either an infantile henpecked person, or someone who turns out to be stronger and devours you earlier. It doesn't matter whether you become a victim or an abuser. The main thing is that equal partnerships are not built this way. If you want to be a trainer, go to the circus.
3) "Though inferior, but mine"
“If only there was” is a scenario of a gray, joyless existence. If you “whatever the will, what the bondage - all the same”, and you will be plodding on the sly, each doing his own thing, wandering without a goal “somehow” not together and not apart. Whether it is or not is not clear. Why do you need a relationship? For check? Then this is your option, and both are victims.
4) "It is better to be patient than to be alone."
To endure, fall in love - this is initially the position of the victim. These are echoes of low self-esteem - a need for attention mixed with blood: "I am here, look at me, hit me, hurt me - just don't ignore." If you do not value and respect yourself, it is difficult to expect this from others.
5) "He's actually good, it's just a monster's mask."
Well, of course, he had a difficult childhood, no one understands him, and only you are able to discern a thin soul under the scales. The tale of the scarlet flower has done a disservice to more than one generation of women. You can plunge head over heels into shit, trying to see something beautiful in it. The truth of life, unfortunately, is that what looks like shit, most often it turns out to be. I don’t know, dive - if you’re lucky.
Of course, this is not a complete list of misconceptions. And they, alas, are not original. These are typical cliched scenarios of the reasoning of people who are ready at all costs to preserve something a little like a relationship. They are ready to understand, forgive and justify any behavior - just not to be alone with reality. After all, then you will have to understand your own needs and desires, and for many there is nothing worse than meeting with yourself. And you can spend a lifetime saving a dragon, training ponies, warming ice and turning shit into candy. Well, who knows, what if …
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