Why Women Recover Alone

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Isn't it curious what fiction tells us that single women are sad and unhappy (like Bridget Jones), while single men have many opportunities and are confident (like Mr. Darcy). In fact, the truth is completely different.

New research has reduced the stereotype of the poor lonely girl to naught, showing that women are actually happier alone than men. In a study by marketing company Mintel, 61% of single women say they are happy with their status, compared with 49% of single men surveyed. Another 75% of single women are not actively looking for a partner, compared with 65% of single men.

When we say no to compromises.

Back in the 16th century, Queen Elizabeth the First said big and fat no to marriage. Why? Even in the face of social pressure, she was smart enough to understand that marriage could jeopardize her sovereignty. She was much stronger alone. Now, after a few hundred years, connecting with someone no longer requires us to give up the crown (so to speak). But marriage can still mean a huge number of compromises. Of course this might be good; compromise is the path of peace, an instrument of dedication and growth.

On the other hand, at a time when the gender pay gap is 18.4% and there are more men than women in the FTSE 100 forums, you can bet on your last dollar that it is women who will end up under threat. After all, this can be a blow to your salary, since you - shock, horror - have the audacity to go on maternity leave.

Or it could be something softer, but still annoying, like being the person who accepts all social attitudes all the time, or being forced to give up the most comfortable side of the bed. We could get past this era of the Stepford Wives, but there are still few casualties left.

When we say no to emotional pressure

Of course, many people have wonderful enriching partnerships in life. We want to say that any relationship is melancholy and despondency. But you will likely understand why, after a long and difficult history of cultural subjection to men, an increasing number of women choose to fly solo and enjoy the freedom that this lifestyle brings.

We welcome not only the physical release of solitude, but the ability to free ourselves from the emotional pressures of a relationship. As a rule, women invest more of themselves in romantic partnerships (we are actively involved in solving problems and disputes), and it can be a huge relief to draw a line under this exhausting process. Look to Japan, where a spirit of freedom resounds among many women who were once expected to "stick together like vines."

"Women are everywhere on their own," reads a recent article from the Japan Times. “From hotels and cafes to residential neighborhoods and city resorts for women only, the type of ochitorizama (a person who lives or does something alone) has become so common that no one will give it a sidelong glance.

“Behind this phenomenon is a low marriage rating,” the article says. "More women are giving up long-term commitments that will almost certainly interfere with their lifestyle."

When we say yes to a relationship

Oddly enough, single women are more likely to pay attention to a variety of relationships than a) married women or b) men in general.

“Single people are more likely to stay in touch, provide help and receive help from parents, siblings, neighbors and friends than married people,” says a 2016 study from Boston College and the University of Massachusetts. "Being single (free) increases social bonds for both women and men."

While married people tend to be more isolated in their relationships, single people are more open-minded. They have a great tendency to be attracted and connect with those around them. And connecting with others - whether in a casual, good-neighborly sense or in terms of creating long-term relationships - is a key pillar of happiness.

This networking skill seems to be more natural for women. "Women tend to have better alternative social networks and different acquaintances, while men tend to rely heavily on their wives for this and have fewer social connections," Emily Grundy, professor of social studies at the University of Essex, told Telegraph. "Of course, numerous studies show that women who do not have a partner are more socially active and have more friends than women with partners, while with men, on the contrary - men without a partner are usually much less active in this." …

Relationship expert Susan Quilliam, responding to The Evening Standard, agrees. “Women often have good social lives and deal with their needs differently,” she says. "Women often seek what they need from a broader support network than men."

Pleasant loneliness.

Free women not only have better contact with people, but they also seem to enjoy their loneliness more. We create sophisticated rituals that support our ability to “fly solo”.

Just listen to Linda Roden (pictured), a beauty mogul who is single in her 60s and lives happily alone in her Manhattan apartment. “I need time to relax - no magazines, no music, no phone. I imagine myself lying on the beach; it's very relaxing,”Linda says on the Joe's Cup blog about her evening water routine. “In the bathroom I feel like a poet. I come up with all sorts of interesting ideas, the best responses to emails, the best home ideas I want to implement, and then completely forget how I get out of the bath. They flow down with water."

“I've always been a very, very independent person,” she adds. “I loved being in relationships with wonderful and really interesting men. I just never felt the need to marry them. No one was able to convince me.

Women, in particular, are able to make a kind of spiritual practice out of loneliness. We draw strength from this state and build our life around so that there is space for solitude - not as a temporary event, but as something worth striving for.

This also applies to travel. Funnily enough, single women seem to be better at motivating themselves to get moving. They make the most of their solo status and lack of, figuratively speaking, baggage to pursue their dreams and explore the world. Christine Addis, who writes about the joys of being a free woman traveler at Be My Travel Muse, describes this open-minded approach quite subtly.

“The most wonderful things are at the bottom of the ocean, or on a sandy beach, or in the middle of a forest,” she says. “They can be found standing on the side of a road or on top of a mountain. They might just be outside the next alley, sitting in a rickshaw, or along a bend in a river. You will never know if you don't budge.

How men can play catch-up

Most likely, single women had reasons that made them that way; they, too, once sobbed over a cup of cornflakes for lack of relationship. And probably not all single men are confident too. But in any case, we can admit that there has been a cultural shift in the way single women are viewed. And while more and more people prefer solitude in everything, women seem to be happier about it. While in the "era of Mad Men", a single man of the era poured tape into himself and congratulated himself on running away from everyone - nowadays guys are trying to keep up with women.

And it is spreading all over the place. Some men are insanely happy; they are sociable, have connections and love to travel the world. But if we generalize for the sake of identifying a social trend, then it turns out that men have little reason for this. In 2017, we are in a unique situation where single men seem to yearn to achieve a quality of life like single women.

So how do you achieve balance? Perhaps single men need to look around more often. Perhaps they need to take more risks and actively move forward in life on their own. It can enrich the relationship. Or challenge yourself to a solo adventure around the world. By following the path of women, men can also actively use their loneliness to improve their quality of life.