2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
That is, if he works with the topic of personal relationships, should he have a happy relationship?
If with the topic of money, should you make good money yourself?
Like everything in this world, it has a complex chain of interactions, therefore, there is no simple answer here, because the answer is both yes and no.
Let us take a closer look at these yes and these no.
Against:
The aspirations and expectations of the psychologist should not be in line with ours. If we want to earn a million dollars, and our psychologist only earns tens of thousands, this is not a bad psychologist, we just have different ambitions and desires.
If I want to be a mother of five children and an ideal wife, and a psychologist has no children and has several divorces, then we just build our personal life in different ways and our comfort zones are different.
This is important, because often some info-business gurus devalue their colleagues, saying: look at my account a million, only I can tell you how to make money. Or look at the photo of my ideal family, do you want those? Come to me!
On the one hand, this is a good marketing ploy, but on the other hand, as a personality, it does not paint these people, since we see clear features of the open devaluation of others.
This is a neurotic message: the rest are worse because they are not like me. You're worse too, but I can show you how you can be cool like me. Don't be yourself, you are nothing, be me - I am somebody.
The fear of exclusion is one of the most primordial and powerful fears. Therefore, when they play with us on our fear of “being somehow different” - a loser, we buy into it.
Don't buy!
PER:
But! The opposite is also important, if the psychologist to whom we turn has not closed his basic needs, he is unlikely to be able to help others.
Let me remind you the basic needs - these are food, housing, comfort. When your psychologist lives with your parents, but he is such a help and dike, I will hug you. If I give you love and you too, then the question is how a person will teach the basic element of mental health: the boundaries that keep our comfort. If he did not arrange his own.
Before going to a psychologist, you need to look not at the certificates, but at the principles that he professes, how he lives. Because principles underlie behavior, behavior is automated and is a consequence of deep attitudes, and not the theory that he learned in seminars and in textbooks. Changes in you are induced not by the knowledge of the psychologist, but by the influence of his personality on yours.
And the most important thing!!!
Whichever method a psychologist or psychotherapist chooses, one way or another it affects you. Everyone. In order for you to get the result, the psychologist must change your mental attitudes towards the world. Some you yourself know what you need, and some the psychologist must analyze and induce changes in you. In theory, he may know what stage of psychological maturation is going on one after another, but if he himself has not lived inside it, he will not lead you out. Therefore, YES and it is obligatory that your therapist had to undergo personal therapy. But then again, going through therapy does not mean that he closed his questions.
I would like to tell you to base your choice on your intuition, but if we talk about changes in our body, a defensive reaction always arises, and at these moments we can confuse the voice of intuition with the voice of resistance. Therefore, it is sometimes necessary to go from the opposite direction, guided by the formula:
the more suffering in my life and the more chaos I need to go to therapists not with what I like, but go to those with whom I just want to fight and enter into a discussion.
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