How To Build A Relationship With A Schizoid

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Dear ones, if your spouse, spouse, child, friend or girlfriend belongs to the schizoid type of character, then I congratulate you, you are very lucky and I am now very sincerely talking about this. Really, you are in luck why this is so, read in my article!

Perhaps it would be more correct to call the article not “how to build relationships with a schizoid”, but “how to live next to a schizoid”. Because a schizoid is not the kind of person who needs a relationship, but at the same time, he is not the kind of person who can do without a relationship. In general, it characterizes very well "the schizoid and the relationship with the schizoid", one phrase that you can repeat like a mantra in the most incomprehensible situations with a schizoid. This phrase sounds like this: it is important for a schizoid to know that there is a relationship, but not in it.

Accordingly, when you see that he is leaving you somewhere in himself, he physically can be near, but in his soul is far from you. Remember that this is most likely not your fault in what happened. Because very often the schizoid has some kind of internal processes of his own and he needs to distance himself. It is just important for him to know that he has a relationship, but he is spinning in a relationship - this is no longer his. The schizoid does not have such a large container for relationships, for intimacy, affection, it is quite point-like. Therefore, you just need to be there.

Mothers of schizoid children often ask me: I have a schizoid child, what to do with him, how to help him? Dear ones, the best way to help a schizoid is to leave him alone. Every person and schizoid including, and even more schizoid, strives for development. If there are no psychological deviations, mental, psychiatric, then a healthy psyche strives for development. Accordingly, your child himself will find ways how to develop what he needs in life, what he will ever need.

If he is not developing anything at the moment, then he will do it when he understands why he needs it. Keep an eye on, be close, but do not force him to be someone who he is not, because schizoids are very painful for such things. That being said, why are you lucky? And you are lucky that if a schizoid told you that you have a relationship with him, if he chose you as a spouse, for example, then this is almost forever. This is a very reliable, fundamental attachment, very strong, he is with you in soul, and with everything, and completely.

Friendship with a schizoid can look like a meeting once in half a year, once a year, and nevertheless, when friends meet again, they will communicate and feel as if these were not for half a year. Because attachment and feelings remain with the schizoid. Roughly the same happens in romantic relationships, there may be fewer breaks, but nevertheless, the schizoid can sometimes retire for a long time in a relationship.

Even than you are lucky in your relationship with the schizoid, it is that the schizoid loves very deeply, the schizoid may not allow himself to feel anger, but his feeling of love is fundamental, simply huge and all-encompassing. A schizoid usually behaves in relationships as in an old joke, when grandfather and grandmother are sitting and she asks him: well, do you love me, you never tell me that you love me? And he answers: I told you 40 years ago that I love you, if something changes, I will inform you about it. The schizoid does the same.

Also, the schizoid can act out codependent and counterdependent behaviors. What does it mean? When he acts out codependent behavior, he becomes very much like a narcissist. He does everything to merge with you, to absorb or be absorbed, but then he sharply throws him back. There is such a thing as a schizoid conflict, which underlies the character of a schizoid. It lies in the fact that, on the one hand, the schizoid wants to be with someone, he strongly strives for relationships, and on the other hand, relationships interfere with him, he is uncomfortable in them, he feels like he is trapped, and wants to be alone.

Many schizoids choose this very pole - to be alone. And accordingly, when a schizoid is alone for a very long time, he begins to get tired of this and quickly look for a relationship. At such moments, he has just a crazy thirst for relationships, like greed for relationships, and he wants to absorb, merge with the chosen person. Then he suddenly becomes uncomfortable and jumps back.

Often, this is not particularly related to what you did or did not do, what you did or did not do, the container of affection, intimacy and love in the schizoid overflowed. Why is this happening, the schizoid gave his all in a relationship, he gave everything he could, took everything he could take from you, and now he needs time to integrate, he needs separation.

The counterdependency model, if chosen as the brightest, can be seen in people who choose a life without relationships. Often among them there are people of creative professions, musicians, writers, artists, they sublimate all their energy into work or creativity. Accordingly, it is precisely because of this internal conflict, where external circumstances are of little importance, that a schizoid may experience a dichotomy from codependency to counterdependence. Yes, perhaps you could do something better in a relationship, but this does not mean that he could withstand it longer, schizoids, as a rule, can withstand a relationship.

And at this point we come to a very important question: how to deal with a schizoid when he behaves this way? And most importantly, what to do with yourself, how to live and sustain such a relationship?

So, what is the best thing to do in relation to the schizoid.

The first is do not blame him for these inability to be in a relationship for a long time, in long-term intimacy and for these his withdrawals into his cave, into himself.

Second, provide him with a secure attachment so that he knows that he has you and whether he leaves or comes, he still has you. The schizoid reacts to such a safe attachment with very strong love, which means that the person will be with you no matter what. Only if he feels insecure attachment, for example: the threat of treason, only then can he be pulled out of the relationship again. But if he sees that you are definitely with him, then that's it, he is only with you.

Third - do not be intimidated by his coldness to your manifestations of warmth. It may seem that he does not react in any way, but this does not mean that he does not appreciate it, for a schizoid it is very valuable. Moreover, it is even more valuable than for a person of any other characterology, but the schizoid simply does not know how to react to this and is a little frightened.

This implies the fourth point - about the fact that you should not send too much love to the schizoid, too much flow will simply carry him away. The schizoid does not know how much love is, he knows how, it is drop by drop, by grains, quite a bit.

And the fifth point is respect his desire to distance himself. If you want a relationship with a schizoid. Moreover, fundamentally strong, then the transfer of your attitude to this person should be like this: even if you withdraw into yourself, I will not be offended by you and will not be angry, I will still be here and will wait for you. I normally react to the fact that you need to be alone.

So what to do with a schizoid, we figured it out a little, now let's look at what to do next to a schizoid? When you first became attached, you have love, the strongest codependency. By the way, about codependency, the fact that there are codependent relationships in love relationships is not scary, especially at the initial stage, when falling in love, during this period just such relationships are normal, merging occurs, because how else can you fall in love, if not in a merging relationship, this is normal. it also happens in relations with a schizoid, you have a relationship of fusion, codependency, you see each other every day, constantly together, together and then bang: let's live until we see each other separately or for a week … And what do you do with this set of feelings that arise from for such an unexpected turn? And here it is important, first of all, to deal with your schizoid part, get to know it well. Understand how much you need a relationship, how long do you need intimacy? How long do you stay with your loved one, and after what time do you need a distance, for how long do you need this distance? This is the part of you where you enjoy being alone with yourself.

If you do not have this part, or you have it very weak, you need to either develop it, or in a relationship with a schizoid, you will simply be killed. This means that this is simply not your person, because a relationship with a schizoid is possible only if you are two personalities who can live, to a greater or lesser extent, by themselves.

The next item that helps in such a relationship is friends. If you are not at all comfortable being alone, you can make friends. At the moments when the schizoid moves away from you, you can meet with friends, drink tea, coffee, go somewhere, to the theater, to the cinema, start some hobby, get carried away with something, in general, do yourself to the fullest. Get some kind of support group that you can run to when your schizoid has gone somewhere to his cave.

Further, a very important point, about that you should not blame yourself. Don't take the blame on yourself that you did something to make him run away. You just were, you had a relationship, you became a lot, regardless of whether you did something or not. You could just be there and already do a lot, cause discomfort. This is not the moment when he left and left you, he will return, he will definitely return, he will definitely appreciate your waiting time, and he will be very grateful to you for that.

And the last point is about the fact that you do not need to wait, sit and wait for him to return. You may well make unobtrusive attempts to bring him back into a relationship. For example, if you live separately, you can send an SMS:

-well, how do you want to meet?

-No.

-a, no, okay, let's go take care of ourselves.

Or if you live together, but you see that somehow he has moved away, periodically take some steps towards, for example: do you not want this together, do not want this together? You will feel when he has already returned to you in a relationship, and when he is still within himself. If you have been living with this person for some time, then you know exactly from him when he is with you and when not. And if you do not know, then this is a question for you, what about your sensitivity to a person whom you have known for many years? Perhaps you don't know each other?

It is also important to understand that even when two schizoids unite together, begin to live together, meet, build relationships, this can also be difficult. Because even if two people know about their psyche structure, they understand who needs what they need in a relationship? Who needs what distance and when? It can still be difficult, because one needs one amount of time for the codependent part of the relationship and the counterdependent part when it is necessary to disperse. And the other needs this much to be together and this much to be apart. And at the moment when the cycles do not coincide, it can be quite difficult. My advice is to talk to each other about this, it can be very difficult to accept that a person is so arranged, but arranged differently. But while communicating, one can nevertheless come to some common conclusion, a single scheme of relations with each other.

So what advice to you and love, as they say!